This One Simple Change In Your Morning Commute will Relieve Your Stress Forever
Ok, so maybe there are two simple changes….
BE a man. That’s right. BE A MAN. Just think about it. If you’re a man, you get to pretend that your balls are SO huge that you couldn’t possibly manage to keep your legs together and sit up straight for the duration of the commute. What are you? A lady? No, you’re a man, so be a man. Trust me, I am a woman and I recently played a man for my comedy show and then rode on the bus back in man drag. And you know what? It was actually a very scary experience, because I was a human person in clear drag traveling solo on public transportation in the age of fear and 45. There was a moment when a large man looked at me with rage in his eyes, and I was very grateful that he got off the bus at the next stop. So, if you don’t present as a man then you should not do this….you know what? Actually, I think it may be teenager…that’s what I meant. Be a teenager. Teens are the worst for the rest of us. Their brain chemistry is all messed up and they don’t experience fear or consideration like the adult world, so when they have a commute they are super carefree, because it’s their world and the rest of us are just living in it. Of course, I don’t know how you pull this off — like how do you become a teen without actually being a teen? No idea. I’ll get back to you.
Until we’ve worked out the kinks, I still have one option: become a hermit. If you can get a job and a social life that doesn’t require you to commute anywhere then you don’t have to worry about all of that stress. In fact, just never do anything that stresses you out again. Duh, why didn’t we think of this sooner?! Swap your stress for depression…trust me, I’ve never experienced true depression, so I’m a great person to give this advice!
Anyway, I’m gonna go back to my #TBT playlist while I type in my PJs and drink wine alone in my apartment. STRESSFREE BB!