Asking for help
The most courageous thing you could ever do
All my role models were either business leaders or superheroes. They were big and bold and courageous, they did not bend for anyone or anything. Each of them represented a version of the hero’s journey: a hard-working man facing challenges, fighting battles, solving puzzles, overcoming obstacles and eventually reaching vast levels of success and glory.
They taught me everything I needed to know about being a man. To appear educated, strong and independent and never show signs of vulnerability or weakness. I quickly learnt how to frown my brow and to nod decisively to intellectual statements tossed around meeting rooms packed with older white men, despite the fact that I was often clueless to their true meaning. I started my professional career as an imitator, and I became good at it.
At the age of 19 I charmed my way into a world-leading technology company, where I joined an internship designed for people twice my age who had at least a master’s degree under their belt. I quickly adopted a culture of crunching spreadsheets, composing eloquent emails and making bold assumptions to cover up for the education I was lacking. As a reward for my efforts I was soon promoted to manage multimillion dollar deals with international clients I had never met and barely knew the name of.
In the next few years I founded a creative agency, a network for Sweden’s foremost young entrepreneurs and a technology startup. I was asked to lead the Swedish-Swiss Chamber of Commerce, named top five among Sweden’s hottest technology entrepreneurs and frequently appeared as a speaker at prestigious startup events and conferences.
Using a cocktail of assertiveness, startup mumbo jumbo and superficial knowledge, I was able to build a persona of a young leader who always knew what he wanted and had everything in control.
I learnt so much during those early years in business, countless situations of throwing myself off the cliff and finding myself outside my comfort zone, time after time of doing something for the first time and trial-and-erroring my way forward. I had learnt so much, and still the most fundamental lesson was ahead of me.
“ Asking for help is kind. A person who cannot ask for help cannot be trusted. “
It was not until years later I learnt about the native American Nootka tribe on Vancouver island, a tribe who built their entire culture around co-dependency and relying on each other for survival. As whale hunters they quickly understood that the only way to catch a whale is to work together, and anyone who lets his ego into the driver’s seat is a burden not only to himself but to the entire community.
In all my efforts to be a strong and independent, inspired by role models and superheroes, I had neglected my vulnerability and lost my ability to say I just don’t know. I had forgotten the most important lesson of them all, to invite other people into my space, to share my struggles and shortcomings and to allow people to walk the path together with me.
Today I hear the words of the Nootka tribe echoing through my head as I remind myself of asking for help as a daily practice that brings me closer to other people and makes me come alive.
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This month our focus at Everyday School is on the theme of courage. We want to open up for dialogue and exploration of the subject and start to discover how we can be brave and courageous, even in moments when we are challenged and scared. This theme will manifest in our Instagram, Facebook, Youtube and blog. We’d love to hear your story and to take part in the conversation, you can do that by commenting on this blog post or use the hashtag #everydayschool in social media. Remember that your words can inspire someone else to act more courageously, beautiful isn’t it?
