Choose what you don’t know
Courage (part 2 of 2)
Courage to me is to choose myself. I don’t know what I’ll open up if I choose to act according to my beliefs, what I hope for and love. I don’t know what’s going to be exposed if I dare to to stay when I most of all would like to escape, run away, or hide. Since I got burned out I’ve faced my fears in so many ways. And here I am, continuing sharing my insights with you!
DARE TO BE VULNERABLE
What if the outcome of me posting this online is something bad? Why should I leave all this vulnerability to you? As I couldn’t write if it wasn’t from the heart. Why didn’t I just write about something else, someone else or a made up character? Because I feel I have to choose to be vulnerable this time. To see what happens if I really dare something scary like this. Instead of saving this text for my future dog to eat it.
When something really scares me I sometimes use that as an indication of that I’m on the right track. Like it is exactly what I need to do, just throw myself into the dark ocean. Because then it often means something to me, that I really care. I might trick myself, telling me I’m not ready. Then I know I just have to follow my gut feeling anyway.
GIVE YOURSELF A CHANCE TO MAKE IT
It’s still really scary though, because as much as I’am afraid of failure, I’m even more scared of success. Therefore to be vulnerable is to dare to make it and to fail. I can explain it like this. If you don’t know how it is to feel well, that itself can be a reason to be scared of making choices different from the ones you’re used to. You feel safe with what you know, even if it means you’re unhappy and miserable, only because that’s familiar.
While writing this text I’ve been sharing my fear of doing this with others. I’ve talked about it and let it out in the shining light. That have somehow transformed the fear. Yes it is still here, but the intensity is not as strong as it was before, when I kept it well hidden. It somehow feels like I have power over it, and I’ve learned a lot along the way these past weeks breathing this month’s theme. Only to write about courage, to create this blog-post made me really feel and accept the fear. Somehow my fear of doing this has gotten less intensified by my own words about it.
ACT IN LOVE
I love writing. I love telling stories. So how free would I be if I didn’t? I know what happens when I let my fear stop me from doing what I love the most! That’s another reason for me to choose courage. As it is painful to see someone you love not taking care of themselves, stay in an abusive relationship or just never fully live out their capacity hidden behind all bars and destructive behaviors. As painful it is to realize we are not living the life ourselves that our hearts tells us and spirits are longing for.
As I’ve worked though this fear, I’ve got that feeling of empowerment. I’ve both faced my fear and done what I love which makes me feel truly alive! One day during these past weeks a woman said to me ”You look lively, how come?” I got surprised as I felt so tired from all writing, with a body longing for rest. Before I had the chance to answer, she continued ”Do you eat differently, had a haircut or did you loose weight?”. I felt a smile spread across my face as I did hear myself say ”I’m writing.”
CHOOSE YOURSELF
Many of you already are brave today. If you ever feel anxious, insecure or afraid, then you have to be brave to face it. Maybe you left someone you’ve been together with for seven years to a future you don’t know? Maybe you threw yourself into the ocean being scared not knowing if you’re gonna catch that wave surfin or not? Or maybe you feel nervous about introducing yourself to your new collegues? Depending on what your fears are trying to convince you — if you choose what you don’t know yet — that involves courage.
Sometimes when I hear myself say something shouldn’t be a big deal, like leaving blood to the nurse, it probably is just because of that. So wether it’s a small thing or a huge challenging one, like writing and sharing this with you, by choosing what my heart tells me I need — I make the choice to become stronger, happier and to feel alive!
I am choosing Me.
WHATEVER HAPPENS YOU’LL LEARN SOMETHING
You know, shit happens, but believe that whatever happens you can always learn from it. You might ask yourself: What happens if I say yes? If i say no? If I post this online? While doing so, try reminding yourself of the last time you faced your fears. How was the feeling afterwards you dared to stay uncomfortable? Did you make a somehow invisible feeling perceptible until this time? Try to remember that feeling of owning your power! Because it’s a great one to remember in times of doubt.
I also try to remind myself that what my fears were telling me was wrong. That what I did wasn’t that scary after all. Maybe it won’t get easier, as I’m always going to face new situations, but at least I’ll learn how to deal with my fears. Maybe the fears will stick around for as long as I breathe, but at least I know I’m doing my best to not let them be in charge of my life. And that takes it’s practice.
CHOOSE WHAT YOU DON’T KNOW
Why not choose to follow that moment of truth in our fears? That glimpse of what might be possible and wonderful? Why not choosing what’s behind all that seems threatening? Maybe because of that one reason that we don’t know what it is we’re choosing? Even though we think we do. We sometimes believe that our fears is the truth, but if we ask ourselves humbly again, do we really know what the outcome of facing that particular fear would be? What it could bring?
Something deep within me told me that I had to go for an intense therapy on an island I’ve never been before. ”The greatest leadership-education you can get”, as a friend afterwards referred it to be, pointed me in a direction towards life. Towards choosing love instead of fear. Even if we don’t know the outcome of our choices, what other people feel or what might happen, we know we can choose not to believe in the truth fear wants us to know.
Sometimes we take babysteps for years.
Sometimes we take a leap within a second.
