4 ways gratitude can help your child’s mental health

As your children begin to get older, it’s very normal that they might not want to talk with you as often.

Teenagers are looking to find their own identity that’s separate from their family. For some teens, that can mean they’re resistant to opening up to their parents.

At EveryDay Strong, we teach that it’s a parents’ — and other caring adults’ — role to help their kids feel safe, connected, and confident in order to build good mental health and resilience. But it can feel really frustrating, or even impossible, to know how to do that if your child won’t talk or listen to you.

While there are many ways to tackle this, since it’s almost Thanksgiving, here are a few ideas that center around one of the most powerful, yet simple, concepts in psychology: gratitude.

Gratitude fosters safety

In an article published in Psychology Today, Amy Morin, a licensed clinical social worker and psychotherapist, said, “Gratitude has been proven to enhance empathy and reduce aggression.”

Those who practice gratitude are less likely to retaliate or become angry. These are essential qualities for fostering an emotionally safe environment for our children to express their feelings and concerns.

When you practice gratitude for your teenager, you’re making it easier for yourself to create an environment of safety. This can include feeling safe to talk, safe to be themselves, and safe to fail because you’re less likely to criticize them.

Even if your teenager isn’t perfect, you can always find a few things that you appreciate about who they are and what they care about in the world. This shift in how you choose to view your teenager and their actions might be one of the most important things you can do as a caring adult.

Strengthen connections through gratitude

It doesn’t require a long, in-depth conversation to build a connection. Expressing gratitude often has been proven to improve relationships.

We all need to hear that what we do is noticed and that the people we love are grateful for us. Kids need to hear this, too, especially if they’re struggling with anxiety or depression.

Expressing gratitude for your child and the things they do or have taught you can open the door to more opportunities to connect.

Try leaving notes in their room or their backpack about how much you appreciate them. Or, simply tell them how grateful you are for their hard work. While these acts seem very simple, the mere interaction of expressing gratitude can reassure them that they are noticed and strengthen your relationship as you persist.

Gratitude improves confidence

Another benefit of expressing gratitude to your child is that it can help build their self-esteem.

Although it may not always be apparent on the surface, their greatest desire is to make their parents proud of them. Children simply need reassurance that you notice their actions and you are grateful for them.

Try pointing out something you are grateful for about them and that they are doing great. This act of expressing gratitude will reassure them that you notice and love them, ultimately building their confidence in their ability to succeed and make you proud.

Next time you express love for your child, provide a reason. Tell them, “I love you because…” and then explain something you love about their personality, efforts, or perspective.

Build resilience through gratitude

There is significant research showing that gratitude not only reduces stress but may also play a role in overcoming trauma.

For example, Morin said,

“A 2003 study published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology found that gratitude was a major contributor to resilience following the terrorist attacks on September 11. Recognizing all that you have to be thankful for — even during the worst time — fosters resilience.”

Let’s be real: you probably won’t get reluctant teenagers to go around the table with the family and name five things they’re grateful for, but you can model an attitude of gratitude without being overly preachy about it.

Taking on a grateful perspective and expressing gratitude teaches our children that there is always something to be grateful for, even in hard times. This simple perspective may be one factor that helps a struggling child build resilience and ultimately overcome adversity.

In other words, as a parent, grandparent, or other caring adult, you can feel confident that you are a key factor in helping your child feel safe, connected, and confident, no matter what their behavior or attitude is.

Your ability to experience and show gratitude can be one of the most important things in creating an environment where kids can bounce back from adversity. ※

Originally published at www.heraldextra.com on November 14, 2020.