Combat feelings of isolation with nostalgia
This holiday season, family gatherings look pretty different. If you’re like me, you’re probably feeling isolated and bummed out; the stay-at-home routine is tough on adults and children alike.
I always looked forward to family get-togethers as a kid. I wasn’t as much interested in the “wow, you’re getting tall” compliments and boring adult small talk. I loved to escape to the basement with my cousins to giggle about boys and whatever 10-year-old girls whisper to each other about.
I still treasure these memories into adulthood.
So, how do we help children make important family connections this year?
On the hunt for an answer, I read a study by Dr. Robyn Fivush of Emory University. She offered a simple solution — share stories from family history. Her team discovered that children who grow up hearing stories from their family history reported “greater family unity, lower anxiety and fewer behavioral problems.”
Reflecting on her findings, Fivush said, “Stories [of ancestors] are a powerful frame for understanding the world and the self.”
Kids who see their ancestors as “real people” tend to feel they’re part of something bigger than themselves. Picturing family members from past generations — the events they lived through, their hobbies, hardships and triumphs — provides an important cultural framework for families to learn, grow and connect together.
Having this kind of understanding helps kids connect to something outside their immediate circle throughout their own struggles. This can be useful as they’re starting to learn how to navigate tricky situations and complex relationships.
It’s been useful for me, too. Tough situations and relationships are something adults deal with daily.
I decided to put Fivush’s study into practice and asked the family group chat for stories they remember hearing as kids. I was reminded of fun memories and silly mishaps that are part of our family lore.
I am lucky to have a family who knows and talks about these stories. My sister brought up one I had forgotten about that was crucial to my very existence.
In the ’50s, while doing rounds for nursing school, my grandma was assigned to a tall, dark and handsome patient. He’d broken his leg playing basketball for the local college.
She couldn’t help herself and sneakily wrote her phone number on the back of his cast, thinking he’d never see it. Luckily, my grandma was a total smoke show, and at the time, my grandpa asked his friend to help him read the note on the back of his leg.
They ran away together, and the rest is history.
That story and a dozen others flooded my phone, and the family group chat was buzzing in a way it hadn’t in a long time. It was nice for us to all take a break together for a moment, forget family politics and world events, and laugh together about something that really mattered to us.
For kids, an understanding of where you came from helps develop your own identity. Your family is who you are or — decidedly — who you’re not. We work out these complexities into adulthood.
Fivush, referring to the children in the study, said, “Their identity stretched back 100 years, giving them connection, strength and resilience.”
I can recall a few times as a young adult when I’ve had to make big decisions or when I didn’t know who I was or what to do. I looked to my ancestors and family history for direction and purpose.
Knowing about the character and convictions of my ancestors is something that supports me as an adult dealing with my own life.
When children know about their ancestors, it fosters family connection and unity. Connected kids feel understood and safe to talk about their anxieties and struggles.
The holidays might look different this year, but they don’t have to feel different. We can combat feelings of isolation, anxiety and disconnect by instead nurturing our family connection through sharing stories from family history.
By Aubrey Markham, EveryDay Strong Volunteer Management Coordinator. Originally published at https://www.heraldextra.com on November 29, 2020.
