The Sorcerer’s Apprentice: Hey, Jay Baruchel’s In This One!

I’m not gonna spend a lot of time talking about this movie because it didn’t really feel like a Cage flick. This felt very heavily like a “co-starring” Nicolas Cage movie, and I don’t really feel like he got enough time to impact the film in a significant way.

Nicolas Cage is a sorcerer, Jay Baruchel is some kind of magic boy, and Alfred Molina is evil. Molina wants to free an evil sorceress from her box, and Nicolas Cage hates this because that’s what moves the plot forward. Jay Baruchel learns that the magic was inside of him all along, and also he kisses a girl. This movie was not super memorable. After a lengthy prologue, it opens with a shot of New York as The Middle by Jimmy Eat World plays. It’s that kind of movie.

There are some fun special effects, and Baruchel does a good job playing a dorky outcast with a heart of gold. Cage is surprisingly supportive, but that doesn’t really lend to his style of wild, bug-eyed, brain-busting acting. He and Baruchel have an okay chemistry, but the whole thing feels kind of rushed and cramped, so you never really get the sense that they care about each other beyond a few forced lines acknowledging their friendship.

This movie barely hits six Cagemarks, which is pretty disappointing.

Cage keeps that shirt on this whole flick.

He doesn’t shave, but he does conjure himself a moustache. I won’t count that this time because we don’t see him take the moustache off.

There are no real Cage Screams in this movie. Probably the biggest letdown of the movie.

We get some good overacting with Cage screaming at a child within the first ten minutes of the film.

We get some good underacting with Cage delivering some dead-eyed “I believe in you” lines. At one point he magic-punches Molina who’s pretending to be an old Asian lady and says “Hahaaaa, that was Cantonese, not Mandarin” in a weird deadpan.

This is a movie where Cage plays a wizard, so yeah, there’s some weird fucking dialogue. Nicolas Cage trying to speak Cantonese is probably the weirdest thing about it. I don’t speak Cantonese at all, but even I could tell that Cage’s accent is absolutely horrible.

Cage describes some violence here and there, most notably explaining to Jay Baruchel that Molina wants to turn him into a pig.

Nicolas Cage does a little bit of running, but not too much.

Cage gives Monica Bellucci a little peck at the end of the movie, but it’s nothing special.

This movie has some decent weird Cage here and there, but he’s not the focal point of the film, and I think that makes the film less interesting. It’s weird that I watched a considerably mediocre movie and my number one complaint is that there wasn’t enough Nicolas Cage. I’m fourteen Cage movies in in four days, and I’m starting to worry that it’s having more of an effect on me than I thought.

May Nicolas Cage star as the lead in the movie that is your life,

Nat

P.S. when I went to publish this, it autotagged “The Lottery” and I don’t really know why.