If You Grew Up in a Troubled Family, You Either Became a Codependent or a Narcissist.


Photo by Omar Lopez on Unsplash

“When the family energy is focused on the problem of the adult rather than on the needs of the children, the results for the children are the state of not knowing they come first, the state of believing that they have to fix the situation, and the state of believing that life is about surviving instead of enjoying and that the meaning of life is to get through the struggle of life.” Cathleen Brooks

From “Breaking the Cycle of Conditional Love”:

“Many of us were raised by one or both parents being shown conditional love. When you were only shown attention or love when you did something they approved of. The rest of the time you were ignored, criticized, or neglected. You had to look, act, and do only what they approved of to be accepted and loved. This sets a child up for failed and unhealthy relationships for life unless they do deep inner child work. It also is damaging enough to cause codependency which is a constant focus on others and how they feel. Then the child that was neglected and ignored, neglects and ignores their feelings as an adult and doesn’t ever heal. Codependency is an addiction and develops negative thinking patterns that are very damaging and unhealthy.

A child that is shown conditional love grows up and attracts partners that treats them the same way. It is the Law of Attraction. We attract what we need to heal in ourselves. Until it is healed our vibe brings that to us. That is how narcissists find us, our vibe. We need unconditional love and they are experts at showing conditional love. Perfect match.”

From “Letting Go of Toxicity”:

“Letting go of toxic people and toxic relationships is hard because of what is known as a trauma bond. Humans crave connection with other humans. A trauma bond is the type of bond that forms when people go through something traumatic together or share a similar traumatic experience (not together). Codependents and empaths often trauma bond with their partners, usually partners that are codependents, narcissists, or addicts.

The most dangerous part of a trauma bond is that it doesn’t go away when the relationship ends. Trauma bonds usually transfer to the next relationship because codependency is a way of relating to people. Until you address the underlying wounds that led to the codependent behavior, you will continue to trauma bond and attract partners that will prey on those unhealthy relational styles. Like we discussed last week, BREAK FREE FROM THAT PATTERN!

Let go of those people that didn’t belong in your life in the first place. Don’t chase them. Don’t pay them attention. Know your worth and accept nothing less than someone honoring that. Chase your goals and return to a place of high vibrations so you can attract others wanting the same.”

From “Trauma Bonds that are developed in a narcissistic relationship”:

“Trauma bonds are a biological and emotional trap as it produces chemicals in the body such as cortisol and dopamine. A trauma bond is made by the highs of the love-bombing stage and abruptly changing to the devaluation stage, creating a serious low. This continued cycle causes and imbalance to the bodies system. The inconsistency keeps people off balance and seeking to regain the high by going back to their abuser.

Hormones being released into the body help form the addiction. High levels of cortisol a stress hormone is released into the body when the affection ends and then dopamine is released when affection is returned. Seeking to regain the high the victim will try to win back the affection of their abuser. People become addicted to the cycles of the chaos and drama which creates a bonding effect. If this type of bonding occurred during childhood, you may find that these people choose partners as a adults that mirror the environments they had growing up. If drama is absent both parties can feel unloved as they have been conditioned from an early age to believe this is how real love feels. The mind will believe you love this person once bonded however, it is actually an addiction caused by the chemical process within the body.

People must be able to heal the trauma bond in order to completely move on from the toxic relationship. This bond can keep a person stuck in a cycle as the conditioning is so strong that it is confused with feeling like love. This can happen in any type of relationship and confusing for the person entangled and the supporters of the victims. Trauma bonds are hard to break. It keeps people in relationships that are toxic even if they understand they should leave.”



Kathy Berman
Codependency Recovery Helps to Cure Childhood Trauma

Addiction recovery date:11/24/1976. kathyberman.com. Addiction recovery; eating clean; self-discovery. Kathy Berman’s Publications lists my Medium publications.