Self Acceptance is the Key to Self Love
“When we accept ourselves for what we are, we decrease our hunger for power or the acceptance of others because our self-intimacy reinforces our inner sense of security. We are no longer preoccupied with being powerful or popular. We no longer fear criticism because we accept the reality of our human limitations. Once integrated, we are less often plagued with the desire to please others because simply being true to ourselves brings lasting peace. We are grateful for life and we deeply appreciate and love ourselves.” Brennan Manning
We each have had a wounded childhood. In order to feel safe, we learned to cover our true feelings. I taught myself so well that even today, although I was born in 1940, when I feel unsafe, I hold my face absolutely rigid so that my feelings can’t be “read” by others.
So our self-image is distorted from our childhood. We want to believe that the self-image that we are projecting to the world is our true self. But our true self knows that this image is not who we are. So until we allow these inner distortionsSelf to be healed we are living an inner battle.
90% of Americans have low self-esteem. Our self-esteem (how we value ourselves) is built on our distorted self-image. Self-esteem can only be strengthened by learning who we really are and then by healing our distorted self image.
“A veritable gold mine of possibilities is hidden within each of us-aptitudes, attitudes, characteristics, and traits that once may have been conscious, but for some reason slipped away or were pushed away into our unconscious. In addition, there is great potential within each of us that has never had the opportunity to see the light of day. William A. Miller
Because a lot of self-examination is purely mental, the first techniques for a stronger self-image are build on learning relaxation techniques. Stress is our reaction to changes happening around us. Because we are using much of our energy holding on to our faulty self-image, any trouble from outside ourselves uses up what little energy we have left.
In learning how to strengthen and develop your feelings of self-acceptance and self-worth, you will be learning how to use your energy in a positive way. You will love yourself better and others will want to learn how you did it.
From Self-Acceptance, Social Feelings, and My Own Feelings:
“Something put me into a state of complete terror today. It was so frightening that I don’t want to allude to what it is. Then I saw I had made a mistake, and felt relief. I wept like a child. I wanted someone to hear me. I would share about it on social media. Or I would phone the Samaritans, to say this had happened, and I felt terror. Then I realised I did not need to. I could accept the feeling myself. I was terrified, and I understood that I was terrified, accepted that terror was completely the right reaction, and felt the terror. As a result I did not need to tell anyone. I am only telling you now to show how self-acceptance makes feelings so much more bearable and useful, not to process the terror. I don’t know how I would be if my initial impression, which terrified me so, had been correct.
Had I been unable to accept the feeling in myself I would have needed validation from someone else. “Yes,” she would say. “I can see why that might make someone feel like that. I would have been terrified too.” And I would feel validated. This might cause problems if she was bored with validating me, and did not want to, or even worse was controlling me and using intermittent validation as a way of maintaining control. It might have been different if the terror could have been used, in fight or flight, but as so often it could not. I envy my friend, who reports that for her anger is usually an instant thing. She responds to the provocation and the anger ends, its job done.”
From The Stories We Tell Ourselves (Challenges in Self-Acceptance):
“We live in a society that tells us that if we try hard enough, believe and work hard enough, anything is possible. We can make our dreams come true through sheer bloody-mindedness. It’s not true.
I come from a version of the Christian faith that gave me the sense that if I did everything right, God would bless me and even if the world was going to hell in a hand basket, I should still have peace, and rejoice, and be happy because God had somehow chosen to allow me to go through this trial. That good things always come out of the bad. That if I just waited long enough and tried hard enough, God would give me everything I ever wanted, and more. This is also untrue.
For as long as I can remember, people have confused me. But more than that, I think I may have been confusing the people. I always knew I was different. As a teenager, the term “nonconformist” was bandied about. I was never going to make a song or dance about the thing, but if there wasn’t an obvious reason to do the thing, I just wasn’t going to do it. I can remember going to learn about makeup and skin regimes because I thought that knowing that stuff might be a key to being more socially acceptable. It wasn’t, and so now I am a woman in her 40s who can’t put on eyeliner.
From a young age, people described me as independent. It seemed like a good label, so I kept it. Between being independent, intelligent hard-working when motivated, doing and believing all the Right Things, and not being tied down by social sterotypes while also avoiding the rebel tag, I was definitely going to be A Success. You know, eventually. I would do all the right things, jump through all the hoops, and then I wouldn’t have to worry about … all the things I was pretending not to worry about.”
From The Self-Acceptance Conumdrum:
Self acceptance is being aware of your strengths, weaknesses, fears and triggers. It is knowing everything you can and can’t control, that keeps you from being the best version of yourself. It is working on things you can control and simultaneously, not crucifying yourself for the things you can improve upon.
Most importantly, self acceptance is knowing we’re all works in progress. At any given time, we’re doing the best we can to make the most of the hand we’ve been dealt with, in this gamble that is life. The process of self-improvisation is more like the proverbial tortoise than the rabbit, it is gradual and requires consistent, conscious efforts from our end. And what better project to spend our time, efforts and energy on, than ourselves?
