Why this is Here

I’ve struggled with some level of anxiety and depression, low self-worth, toxic beliefs, and anger for as long as I remember. Living like this is exhausting, annoying, costly, crappy, holding me back.

I’ve spent a lot of time hand-wringing, bemoaning, asking “why?”, ruminating, half-assing, excusing, shrinking, cowering, avoiding.

I’ve also made some great steps in positive directions.

This year, I’m kicking my attempts at living my best life/truth into high gear. I’m going hard with armfuls of self-improvement/self-help/personal development/personal growth books. I’m using apps designed to motivate, affirm, encourage, inspire, and organize. I’m getting (more) mindful about what I eat. I’m moving my body. I’m trying new things. I’m honing my craft. I’m growing myself.

I don’t have it all plotted out yet. I don’t know all of what I’ll read, what I’ll use, what I’ll discover, what I’ll discard, what will kick my ass, and what I will surprise myself by rocking. I am — as Alan Watt advises about writing a novel in his book The 90 Day Novel (which I’m incidentally working my way through right now) — “holding it loosely”.

I just know that I want better. To feel better, to be better, to love better, to live better. Let more joy in, stress less. Embrace myself, accept others.

I’m chronicling it here, as best I can, and offering my (truth time: slightly cynical) take on it all.

Thanks for being here.