ESTO 1

A Spiritual Autobiography

This is for keeps

This is for you

I am not me only

I am you, yes, and you are me

And we are more than two

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Me I was born in nyc

In 1936

Not gifted with a memory

Or cuddling

But calm

Composed

Internalized

Soul oh

Doing inspection

Not yet in fear

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Now here I am

At 83

Suspended just

As usual

Half dunked in prayer

On the 8th floor

Still looking for

Connections

Still inspecting

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Oh, I write for more than two

Add trillions more

Add records beyond dreaming

Add knowledge unperceived

Add stars that none have ever counted

But see the thread

That connects us

Not tactile like a fleshy body

And yet infinite words of love that have no form

Yet substance past all reckoning

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Was I meant to give you this word

Abstract as mathematics

And wear the costume of a clown

And garments of a white Caucasian

And live a married life

Replete with children

Relatives

And all the other earthly fixings

I do not know

It is my lot to say to all who ask

I do not know