ESTO 5

A Spiritual Autobiography

Esto is a contraction of Esteban

Which is Spanish for Stephen

It became my nickname around 1980

A time of huge personal change

It was a basis for naming a successful forum on Ecunet

I moderated it as the Internet emerged

It was prominent in online businesses

Which occupied me during the early 2000s

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Then it faded

I faded

My ties to religion were over

My ties to online business were at an end

My parents had moved on

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Kathy and I were years into what remains our chosen home

Two rooms above Broadway at 34th Street

I still online but retired

But not so fast

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I was in recovery

Rebirth

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Me

A computer

A blank sheet

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I had never thought past death

Nor of philosophy or C. S. Peirce

I had never had wealth

Nor dreamed of recovering Esto

A public face

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Figure with me

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Esto in Spanish means this

It suggests now

It points

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Wealth is what you regard as such

I now have it

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Philosophy is reborn in Peirce

And the triadic

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Past death

Consciousness continues

We don’t die

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Esto is also failure

Failures leave hurt and resentment in their tracks

Being here on earth makes that inevitable

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Reality ultimately is love

But failure exists

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Until you live in full awareness of

Unconditional love

There’s no escape

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See the rainbow past the brickbats

And do not judge

Do not judge

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Do not presume to know the end of anything

Because we are all

I-We-All

We are all public

We are all universal

We are all one with the One

Esto is a sign that points

One-ward