ESTO 6
A Spiritual Autobiography
I am to go public
I am to admit to my fear
These are two results of yesterday’s walk-colloquy with Abba in which questions behind these statements were answered
Clearly
Definitively
+
Take fear first
I flinch and show fear of physical harm
I was not knowingly abused
There could have been abuse
I have repressed it if it happened
That I was abused in a past life is entirely possible
I am not going to engage in hypnotic regression
This is something I carry with me
+
I will know everything in time
I now recognize it
I accept it
I love it
I am comfortable with it
I won’t be surprised if fear vanishes as a result of my love and attention
+
Going public means doffing anything that stands between me and getting the guidance I have out
I suffered severe panic attacks during the 1960s
Double-aerobic whammies
I felt myself vanishing
I laid them to there being something wrong
And there was
I was leading a false existence
I was betraying no one but myself
I did not know a heartfelt truth about things
I was an authority on the collapse of religion
But I had no heartfelt attitude that mattered
I knew it
I admitted it
I told it
I opted out
It was the only honest thing to do
+
I was heavily marginalized
I hung around long enough to be rejected for standing tall for reparations when denominations of American Protestantism refused to see they would never come together unless they gave up their various stores of wealth
Google Jonathan’s Wake
The movement I organized to seek penitence
+
Over time
From the sixties to now
I faded
+
I wrote books
I grew
I expressed myself
It was not enough
It had little effect
I was cynical about the possibility of remaking a broken past
I was benignly philosophical
+
But I grew personally
I experienced many things
And the heart-awakening came
We’ll get to that
I gathered nuts and stored them
They are now
Edible
+
These are takeaways from yesterday’s guidance
I needed answers
About possible abuse
And
About speaking out
I got them
I am ready
Heart ready
