Too Much

Part of my emerging essay collection. At least I’m calling them essays because its not poetry, not a short story…maybe prose?

It stuck in my throat, this goodbye of sorts. I’m terribly impatient, and my pride has taken quite the beating waiting around. I guess this is what the sages say, to never let yourself focus on expectations. They will only turn to dust in your hands, seeping through to the ground.

I expected too much.

The words we shared, the hopes we voiced, have become such heavy stones settling in the bottom of my heart. They weigh me down to the point of no longer dreaming of surfacing. Waiting. Again. Another day, week, month. Such pauses wouldn’t hurt so much if there were consistency of thought, dedication of emotion, FAITH in our outcome…

I felt too much.

Emotions seem to have shifted, ground that I had thought was becoming solid turned to mud. I try to wipe it off the bottom of my bare and broken feet. You see you changed your mind, couldn’t decide.