Why helping others drives up your success — Part 1
On my path to being more successful, I prioritized enhancing my knowledge and technical abilities. Although I continued to progress daily, there seemed to be a crucial element that was lacking. It wasn’t until a colleague pointed out the significance of improving my soft skills that I realized what was missing. Since then, I have prioritized working on these skills and have been reading books on the topic. Recently, I came across “Give and Take” by Adam Grant, which transformed my perspective, and many of the concepts we will discuss are based on his ideas.
To address the question of why helping others drives up your success, we first need to establish some key points. Specifically, three primary types of reciprocity styles exist Givers, Takers, and Matchers.
Givers are individuals who prioritize helping others and giving without expecting anything in return.
Takers, on the other hand, are individuals who are only concerned with their own needs and often take without giving.
Matchers are those who believe in fair exchange, give and take based on the principle of reciprocity.
Reciprocity styles do not reflect an individual’s personal beliefs. Instead, they reveal one’s attitudes and behaviors towards others in various circumstances. For instance, a person may exhibit a Giver style in their personal relationships but switch to a Taker approach when negotiating their salary or making a business deal. Likewise, they might adopt a Matcher approach when sharing knowledge with colleagues.
When considering the hierarchy of success among the three reciprocity styles, many individuals, including myself, might place Givers at the bottom and Takers at the top. However, this oversimplification is not entirely accurate. Research shows that Givers can be found at both the top and bottom of the success ladder. So the question arises, Why some Givers Burn Out but Others Are On Fire? What distinguishes successful Givers from those who struggle?
The crucial factor that distinguishes successful Givers from their less successful counterparts is their capacity to establish clear boundaries and refrain from giving to individuals who are solely Takers. Unsuccessful Givers tend to go beyond their means, neglect their own needs, and suffer burnout — they are selfless. On the other hand, successful Givers balance their giving with self-care and strategic thinking, which enables them to build strong relationships and achieve their goals — we can call them the otherish.
As I read about the two categories of Givers, I realized that I possess a selfless aspect of myself when it comes to work. I enjoy assisting my colleagues, but sometimes, it comes at the expense of my time, and I end up over-extending myself. To address this issue, I allocate specific hours to help others in the office, and they know that I am available to lend a hand during those hours. This is how I managed to establish strong relationships and achieve my goals. I shifted from being a failed Giver to a successful one, from selfless to otherish. Some of you may be thinking, “this sounds great, but what about those critical situations that demand my assistance?” Naturally, critical situations will always arise, and we do not live in a perfect world. However, in most cases, around 80% of the time, things can wait. We are human, not machines, and I am confident that you can distinguish what can wait and what cannot.
You may be wondering about the distinction between Matchers and otherish. Matchers anticipate a return. In contrast, otherish individuals offer help without expecting anything in return, but they exercise caution not to overextend themselves.
What’s Next
I will introduce three more concepts — “The Ripple Effect”, Powerless Communication, and Acts of kindness- and share my experience with them. These concepts can assist you in achieving greater success in your personal life and career.
