Goodnight Moon, Goodnight Spy Balloon
Beijing: Let’s fly a giant white spy balloon over the USA against a blue sky! No one will see it.
USA: BOOM. *plummet* Crash.
Beijing: OMG! OMG! Freakout!
USA: Two more spy balloons spotted. Busted, guys.
Beijing: It’s pure coincidence that the balloons were over your country just as your Secretary of State was supposed to visit us.
Netizens using phone apps that follow you everywhere: Goodnight, moon. Goodnight, spy balloon. La la la…
Here is a collection from two political viewpoints on why the Chinese spy balloon was shot down.
1.) Republicans:
To prevent Members of Congress toting AR-15s onto the Capitol roof from getting to it first.
Liberals want to hide the fact that it’s really a gender reveal balloon.
To keep from crediting that great heroic fighter pilot, George Santos, with the kill.
It’s full of stolen ballots from the 2020 election.
It’s full of CBD gummies the Libs don’t want to share.
So Republicans would be forced to close their Chinese bank accounts.
To keep Trump from grabbing his Sharpie and writing “weather” on it.
2.) Democrats:
To prove that MTG’s Jewish Space Laser Command is unequal to the task of shooting it down. However, her mouth is.
So that the pilot who shot it down gets to paint a balloon on his plane.
To prevent Trump from injecting it with bleach.
Everyone knows that if Trump was still in office, the Chinese wouldn’t have needed a spy balloon, he’d have simply handed them the classified info.
To signal to Q that the giant trebuchet the Chinese are designing next won’t work, either.
To keep Q from telling everyone the balloon was just a diversion, that the real attack will come in party hats.
Karen L. Sullivan writes humor in between more serious projects. Her work is published in The Belladonna, The Haven, Rainshadow Journal, Stonecoast Review, and several sailing magazines. Twitter: @karenlsullivan9.
