Holding Onto Letting Go

Why do we hold on so hard to the ones holding us back?

There are certain things in life we all long for in the great pursuit of happiness, a home, a career, a car and so on these differ from person to person although one thing most can agree on is we all want to love and be loved by that one special person who makes you feel like there’s no one else in the world.

This desire though unfortunately makes us try so hard to get and be blinded by what’s really going on. Relationships are hard and break-ups are even harder, and when we love and want that person that we are with to be our one and only forever and always, it is easy to fall into that trap where we give and give and end up feeling used and forgotten. How can someone make you feel like the only person in the world when they make you feel like you don’t even exist?

So how do we change it?

I firmly believe that everyone deserves a second chance, but then we give a third or a fourth or a millionth and before you know it she has been using you and pretending she loves you and cares for over a year but was only really with you because it was convenient, and she treated you like a toy she picked up and played with for her own amusement and gain for a while until she got bored and played with other toys and came back a few days later to see if she can play with you again.

As I am sure you can tell this story is very close to my heart and very raw, I don’t want to go into specifics as such about our relationship or I suppose I should say lack of but know the examples below are from my current/ most recent relationship (depending on the time your reading this)

So how many chances are too many?

For everyone your limit is different but for me personally, I care less about the act that is wrong and more about how you act after it and what you are going to do to make it right, so if you feel like someone is using you or is lying to you, talk to them tell them why you feel like this and allow them the time and the chance to change it.

No one gets it right the first time and they may do it again, but as long as you can see they are really taking on board what you are saying and are putting in real effort to change then in time it will no longer be an issue, but if in my case it reverts and reverts and reverts and you give them multiple opportunities to change and they do everything in their power to do the exact opposite then you need to cut loose.

Like I have already said I have been lied to and used for over a year (and yes that is my true and honest opinion of my last relationship) but she continued to do it because I forgave her every single time which allowed her to do it again and again and again, and no matter how many red flags she threw up I was so blinded by how much I loved her and wanted it to work that I let her mentally destroy me and use me at the click of her fingers.

Feel free to call me an idiot, but in reality, I say I was blind I saw every sign and asked her multiple times and got nothing but lies and what I wanted to hear, and when we are together she makes me feel so loved and so special so I fell for it time and time and time again. Even today after her using me yesterday I don’t matter or exist in her world yet she stills maintains she loves me.

So now is the time I have to save myself, she is my biggest strength and my biggest weakness all in one. I wanted so badly to believe her words but her actions always proved differently in the end. we all need to assess what is pushing us forwards and what is holding us back so if the relationship is more draining than uplifting you need to call it, it will be hard but it will benefit you and them in the end. And who knows perhaps in time they will realise they miss you and how good you were to them and actually change for the better, but again this is more than likely a dream of mine and it hasn’t happened yet.

Also if you are on the other end of this spectrum and are making someone feel like this intentionally or non-intentionally, you need to look at yourself and really take a few minutes to say to yourself, do I really want to lose this person for good just because I can’t be bothered to show effort? or because I want to be awful for the sheer hell of it? If the answer to that is no and I know it’s hard to admit our mistakes but you need to take the chance while you have it to literally lay it all out and say “I am and have messed up, I love you and need you to help me become a better person please don’t leave me” but if you say this and they love you enough to take you back you need to make sure you mean it and show them that every single day after all words mean nothing if your actions prove the opposite.

If you don’t stop them before they leave then the chances are they will never come back, don’t ever lose the one who makes you feel special just because you don’t want to put the effort into making them feel the same way because you’ll realise you loved them more than you’ll ever know but by that time they will already be gone.

Thank you for reading. If you want to reach out to me for support, a friend, or if you want to use this content or content like this for your site or publication please contact me via email: Darkcrow343@gmail.com