The Great Confusion of Negativity VS Fear
You are NOT Negative. You are just Scared.
…and where there is fear, there is a success.
“Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it.”— Jorge Santayana
Let us search your feelings first.
Is there something that has been bothering you for a long time now?
Do you believe that you have tried hard enough to get rid of it but it just won’t go away?
Let’s take an example.
You want to be good at public speaking (so do I). You have spoken in front of multiple audiences until now but you still cannot help with your shivering on stage and forgetting your content. It seems as if you are stuck and that you will never get out of it. As if, this is the best you can do. You will start to believe that you are going to be a mediocre speaker all your life. Finally, you stop trying. You accept it as your reality.
Ever had this feeling?
I am 100% positive you did. We all do. For you, it may be archery, running, computer programming, and so on. At the beginning of our endeavor, we hit some progress and we grow. Slowly, you stop seeing progress, or very little of it.
It is at this point you will have the most resistance and self-doubt. But, do not look at the self-doubt as it is. There is something behind it. It is hiding something and it is this hidden treasure you must focus on rather than the self-doubt itself. The hidden treasure is nothing but your love for what you have been working for.
Think about it. If you don’t care about playing soccer, will the self-doubt ever haunt you here? I don’t think so. Even if you play for fun you would not contemplate too much on it. It is there and you don’t care. But, when it comes to writing, if you don’t get the attraction you wanted, you will panic, and think too much about it. But, it isn’t the negative we have to focus on. Instead, think, why am I scared? Why do I doubt myself? Is it because I love writing too much that I cannot see myself fail in it?
It is your love that makes you question yourself. Mostly to save yourself the hurt you will get if you fail. But, you have to remember, there is no life without suffering and it is only through suffering that you grow and become a better version of yourself.
Suffering is inevitable. It is the alpha of our progress in life. Not all sufferings help you grow and not all sufferings are to be avoided. And yet, that doesn’t change the fact that you will suffer.
Not all sufferings help you grow and not all sufferings are to be avoided.
There is a funny thing about suffering too that makes it so good to ignore. It helps us remember what we did wrong so that we won’t repeat the same mistakes again. That is one side of suffering. For example, while walking down a lonely road, you find a shiny stone under a tree. Not having seen anything like this before, curious about its existence, you step forward and touch it. poof. It turned you into a bunny. Fortunately for you, the stone is still there and you touch it to kick-back to a human again.
After this experience, I challenge you to touch another stone in your life. See you at the therapist a few years later.
This little maneuver taught you stone-o-phobia. You will be more careful next time to touch something even remotely resembling a stone.
There is another form of suffering. The one you voluntarily choose. For example, you are in love with your partner and you both want to get married but there are 4 dragons you guys need to slay because they are against your marriage. So, you talk to your dragons, I mean parents, and they say no. You talk again.
No.
Emotional Blackmail.
No.
Physical Violence.
No.
Suicide Threats.
Yes.
Finally, somehow, with all the calm and ease your parents said ‘Yes’ (and they say a ‘Yes’ is difficult from the person you love; yeah why not).
Here is suffering you chose for yourself and whether or not you are successful, you suffered. You learned from it. You are more strong and confident now because you have stood up for something.
Actually, all sufferings help you learn in some way and grow. Be touching someone’s peepee in the subway by mistake or bungee jumping. Be it your own choice or chosen for you. You will suffer and that is non-negotiable. Suffering doesn’t end. But…
But, Suffering doesn’t have to be meaningless. Take an example. You go around calling people ‘asshole asshole’, and most of them slap you in the face or beat you senseless depending on their mood. What is the point? No point. You have to choose what you suffer in and that it must be worth it. Of course, if there is a point in meaningless suffering then be my guest, let me give a cinco on your chubby cheeks too.
The same goes for the type of suffering you experience by touching a hot pan. There is no meaning in that. Although you learn not to touch a hot pan again, that’s it. Story over. Lesson learned.
But, when you suffer for a purpose, you always grow. You always learn. You always win. You never fail. That demands a question. Why would anyone want to suffer by choice? Aren’t we all working and making money to live a better life? First, suffering is unavoidable. Second, anything worth having in life will be painful. The pursuit of it will be excruciating. This is a fact.
So, if you will suffer anyhow, why not suffer big and get a big success out of it?
But, you know a secret? It is this pain that is a pleasure. Ever seen a guy or a girl in a gym, lifting heavy weights and screaming their lungs out? Why do they need to do that?
For you and me, it may not make any sense at all. Heck, if you look at me, you would laugh your gyms out. For me, it is senseless. For them, it is being in the senses. If you ask any real weight-lifter, I am sure they won’t say they feel pain, ever. They have a purpose, a WHY to do that. I don’t know what is that WHY. If I would have known or understood that WHY, wouldn’t I be inside the gym screaming for testosterone?
A reason to suffer will turn that suffering into a beautiful pain that you will want to endure. Again and again.
I like to put it this way:
Create something that stands the cruelty of time.
“Do not go gentle into that good night
Rage, rage against the dying of the light” — Dylan Thomas
Few points to consider:
- You are not negative. You are just scared.
- Suffering is inevitable. So, suffer big and live big.
- If you ARE doing it, might as well leave your legacy. Create something that stands the cruelty of time.
Thank you for reading and if you loved my words here, you are going to love my podcast as well: Everything Unorthodox.
Have a great day. :)
