Online Schooling

I think there’s a lot of value in in-person school. There’s things you just can’t learn by sitting behind a computer screen. You can’t learn to keep your mouth shut when the annoying kid next to you is making you want to scream. You can’t learn how to work through a challenging class where the teacher sucks. You can’t learn to deal with inconvenient, and sometimes just plain stupid, rules. However, the cons for me personally are starting to seriously outweigh the pros.

My stress levels have gotten dangerously high. I’ve cried in class four times since Monday. I’m writing this Tuesday night, for reference. My mind is constantly racing and I can’t concentrate on one single thing. I’m too worried about what comes next and how on Earth I’ll fit everything into 24 hours to possibly concentrate. I’ve given up on things I love because it’s all too overwhelming. It’s gotten to the point where I am so incredibly submerged in caring that I don’t care anymore. But once I don’t care, I freak out because I know I have to care, and I’m drowning again. It’s a never ending cycle, and it’s taking a toll on my mental health.

It would be a different story if I felt like I was really getting something out of all this. Of course I get to meet new people and see my friends at school. That part’s great. In general, though, school doesn’t go my pace. I’ll sit in some classes bored out of my mind, while some go just a little too fast. It just feels like I waste so much time on busy work and reiterating concepts I understood a week ago, when I could be spending time focusing on my passions and exploring what I want to do with my life.

Online school is starting to seem like my best option. I can move at my own pace, focus on topics that interest me, and have more time in my life for what matters most to me. I’ll miss the dances and the teachers and the assemblies. It’s not a perfect plan, but for the sake of my sanity and future, it may be what needs to happen.