Kellyanne Conway Chastised For Touting Ivanka Trump Products: Sales Plummet Due To Conway’s “Poor Fashion Sense”
by Steven W. Rouach
Kellyanne “Denis-Defoe” Conway was chastised by Donald Trump for causing Ivanka Trump’s clothing line sales to plummet, due to Conway’s well known poor fashion sense, which has been described by various fashion experts as: “ridiculous ”,”comical”,”seemingly insane”, ”not of or from this earth”, “shockingly tacky”, “uber-satirical”, and “a blight on fashion and a scourge on everything else”
Since Conway’s recent endorsement of the Ivanka Trump line, sales have plummeted 970%. A sales-person for Ivanka Trump Clothing, who asked not to be named said: “Women don’t trust Kellyanne’s fashion sense, so when she endorsed the clothing line our sales hit rock bottom within 32 minutes of her statement, and I’ve spent the entire day updating my resume. “
In the past, many presidential administrations have gotten much heat from selling their own products to the American public. Products such as: “George W & Cheney’s Home Made Hemorrhoid Creme”, “the Lyndon Johnson Plot to Kill Kennedy Board Game“, “Ronald Reagon Brand Hairstyling Gel”, and the “Richard Nixon Line of Transistor Radios”, have all drawn ire due to their incessant advertising during times of crisis.
Many remember former President Nixon’s speech which caused such controversy at the time:
“Now let me review now two decisions I have made which have contributed to the achievements of our goals in Vietnam …. But before we do that, have you tried the Richard Nixon Line of Transistor Radios ? — They’re made with the best quality and the reception is SO good you’ll swear the musicians are in the room with you!”…Now, concerning casualties in Cambodia…”
Even Obama had a product he endorsed and distributed, a Republican Anti-Rape spray he developed and distributed for free at his own great expense. A product that has protected many women from Republicans up until 2016.
However, no president up until now has made such creative use of product placement and synergy marketing as Trump has.
A very angered Trump chastised Conway, first behind closed doors, then in front of closed doors, and continued to chastise her until one of his handlers took him by the hand to lead him away. (A known tactic for Trump staffers to escape his wrath is to simply go outside, because Mr. Trump is not allowed to leave the white house without holding the hand of an adult for fear he’ll run into traffic.)
Kellyanne Conway’s most famous fashion faux pas was the choice of outfit at the recent inauguration, an event which according to Sean “Melissa” Spicer, was seen by “Six times the amount of people than the Beatles on Ed Sullivan, the Moon Landing, and every episode of Walking Dead combined! Period! (This number totals 189,947,456,987,765 in audience, a number that could, in essence, be proved possibly theoretically correct if taken with the alternative fact that dead people watched it too.)
Her inauguration outfit was designed by none other than iconic figure Freddy Krueger, CEO of “Freddy Krueger’s Elm Street Clothing Line”. Mr Krueger’s statement at the time: “I had a nightmare… Wooden soldiers were in it but with my head. I immediately thought of Kellyanne Conway and provided the entire ensemble.”
Going forward it has been decided that Trump himself will lead all Ivanka line advertising campaigns, marketing, product placement, and will record all jingles himself in various music studios, accompanied by Toby Keith and Kanye West.
Conway, will now be limited to endorsing Trump Hotels, Closed Casinos, Trump Buildings, The Trump School of Theoretical String Theory and Horticulture, Trump brand Zika Virus, and his new product “the Eric and Donald Jr. Murder Prevention Kit”: which contains a camouflage outfit and a special high tone frequency whistle specifically designed to effect Eric And Donald Jr., to distract them from attempting to murder you.
So,- Excited By All The New Products Trump’s Administration is Endorsing?
Let us know in the comments below. Because Fashion is our PASSION!!
Written by Steven W. Rouach
- FUN FACT : Every time you give a round of applause at bottom of the page of one of my stories, I literally leap up and take a bow. True story.
- If You Follow Me, I Will Lead You Into Nonsense.
- Here’s my Facebook group (Join Us!!) https://www.facebook.com/groups/punchedbyasnowflake/
- If you’d like to support my writing, please do so here: https://www.patreon.com/StevenRouach
©2017 SWRouach
