So you’ve gone to at least two protests in two weeks. That’s great! By now, you’ll have noticed an emerging pattern: on Wednesdays we wear pink, on Saturdays/Sundays we wear resistance slogans. Protest is the new brunch.
If you’re going to ride the wave of this addition to your social calendar like the champion you are, you’ll need some supplies. D.C.’s Glam Girls have put together a list of must-haves, from skincare products to musical instruments, that will last you through the upcoming months. (God forbid this thing actually goes on for four years, but these products should serve you for that long as well.)
- Invest in some good tagboard. If there’s one thing people remember about protests, it’s the thoughtful, clever, eye-catching signs held high above the angry masses. The coordinated Women’s Marches were ten whole days ago and people are still talking about the “I’ll see you nice white ladies at the next #BlackLivesMatter march, right?” sign. Ten days is, like, six entire news cycles — that’s some impactful stuff! You can either stock up on Sharpies and sign material now, or go all out on one really durable, universally applicable sign that you can take to any situation of injustice. Signs that say things like “This Is Fucked Up,” or “Not Okay At All,” will probably be relevant any time you are awake and paying attention in 2017 and beyond.
- Get yourself a clear backpack. These were all the rage at the Women’s March, because, surprise, all the moms who attended read up on the safety guidelines beforehand and came prepared. Sure, the bags look like props from an early Lizzie McGuire episode, but they carry your stuff without raising suspicions. Nothing is more threatening to a heavily armed police officer in a military-grade tank than a twentysomething with a JanSport.
- Now it’s time to put shit in this backpack! Stock up on sunscreen — the non-comedogenic kind. You want your face to look as pure and faultless as your morals; the last thing you want is a sunburn and a breakout.
- Keep a Sharpie in this backpack at all times. Write important phone numbers on your arm before you get started, in case you get arrested and need to make a call.
- Pack in the snacks. Nothing makes a fellow protester’s day more than someone offering them a couple of Fig Newtons or “empower-mints” (this really happened to me; it was awesome).
- If you live in a city with a Trump hotel, get a shame bell. Shouting “Shame! Shame! Shame!” at the property has proven to be a popular and cathartic recurring activity. Shaming the Cheeto and his accompanying orange dust-mites is one of the more effective forms of resistance for this particular administration: don’t settle for less.
- If you have Muslim friends, or believe Muslim women will be in attendance, take an extra scarf with you. Should anyone try to harass these women by tearing off their hijab, you’ll have them covered. Should things run smoothly, you’ll be able to keep your throat nice and warm for optimal chanting.
- It might be useful to bring a tambourine. White people have been showing up in droves to these functions, and it is common knowledge that white people cannot keep a beat. Give this tambourine to someone with reliable rhythm and let them guide us through these uncertain time(signature)s.
- On the subject of white people: If you are not white, consider bringing a white friend. These are abundant and easily acquired. Simply walk into your nearest Starbucks, Apple Store or Lululemon and ask for one. White women, especially, possess a certain mystical power. They cast a kind of forcefield around themselves that protects their immediate surroundings from police violence and male rudeness. If you are a white woman in possession of such a gift, use it for good.
Most importantly, remember to bring your steely sense of resolve. By July, perhaps, this protesting thing might start to wear on you. “What is the point,” you may ask, “of showing up every weekend to demand civil rights and dignity for all if the President has already toppled the judicial branch and enacted martial law?”
If you ask this question, it means you’ve forgotten your steely resolve. Go home, eat a snack, then get your butt back outside and shout even louder.