10 Signs You’re In A Healthy Relationship
A healthy relationship is essential when you’re trying to live a healthy and happy life.
This generation is all about relationship goals, a trending hashtag that kills me. It kills me because it’s a facade. It also creates unrealistic expectations for us. It doesn’t matter what your sexual preference is, the hashtag is bullshit.
You’re significant other doesn’t need to post you all the time. Social Media shouldn’t validate your relationship.
Not everyone is going to buy you a dozen roses or handpick your flowers. We all show love and affection differently.
The hashtag only shows love in a materialistic way. Materialistic things do not equal love.
I’ve met my soulmate and he taught me what healthy love is.
Before him, I was in toxic relationships thinking certain things were okay. And, even when I knew it wasn’t okay, I still made excuses for it.
My soulmate taught me (he’s still teaching me) a lot of things I’m grateful for. Looking back, I realize I’ve grown because of him.
You don’t need a hashtag to justify anything. Don’t let social media confuse you.
Here’s the truth. Here is what you need to hear today…
1. The communication is strong.
Communication is key in every relationship. That means both parties can talk without yelling. You shouldn’t fear speaking to your partner if you do, there is an issue.
Communication should be comfortable, and yes at times you might get nervous depending on the topic. For instance, if you want to bring up having kids, you might get nervous. But if you’re ever nervous to talk about how you feel, there is a problem.
I can express myself with my significant other. He knows my past, my issues, my feelings, my thoughts, my jokes, and more. Due to the amount of communication we have, we know each other inside and out.
Talk to your partner about your feelings. Ask questions and listen to their answers. If you’re upset, say so — don’t make your partner try to figure out what’s up. Talking through problems builds trust and makes your relationship stronger. — Planned Parenthood
We don’t fight.
We don’t. Arguing isn’t a thing in our relationship. I think it’s because we are both over communicators. We both know when and how to communicate our thoughts. Even when we’re upset, we sit with the emotion first before telling each other how we feel.
For instance, my jealousy issues come from a mixture of past relationships and self-esteem. When I get jealous, I stop and think. I ask myself, why am I jealous. Usually, it’s over something so small like another female saying hello to my boyfriend.
I sound crazy, but it’s the lack of self-esteem that has caused this jealousy inside me. So instead of me expressing my jealousy every time and looking like a psychopath, I analyze my feelings first.
The best way I analyze my feelings is through journaling.
2. We both respect each other no matter what.
Respect is something I value deeply. Without respect, there is no relationship.
“Respect yourself enough to know you deserve the very best.” — Unknown
When both people respect each other, there is less to be worried about. With respect comes trust and what’s a relationship without trust?
Nothing.
3. We add to each other.
We both contribute to one another. We lift each other up. We both think about each other before we make decisions — even the smallest ones.
He has his own and so do I. Without him, I can provide for myself. Without me, he can provide for himself. I have my goals, and he has his.
Ever since I started writing again, he’s been my biggest supporter. He’s helped me with headlines, he’s read my work, and he’s given me constructive criticism.
There are times when he’s tired, and he’ll still make time for me.
I enjoy writing gushy love poems, which he doesn’t like, but he still listens to them. He’ll still read them and give his honest opinion.
He encourages all my goals, as do I.
Your partner shouldn’t be draining you or sucking you dry. You shouldn’t have to pick them up every day or set goals for them.
Understand there will be times you’ll have to pick up your significant other and contribute financially due to unfortunate events, but if they aren’t contributing in another way, big problems will occur.
Here’s an example…
If your significant other asks to use your car every day but isn’t saving to get one, there is an issue. That person is taking without focusing on getting their own.
If your significant other doesn’t want to work but doesn’t do anything at home, they are taking advantage. They want the benefits of being with you, without contributing in their way.
4. We play around.
Yes, sex keeps a relationship spicy, but so does playing around. Joking and laughing are key drivers in my relationship.
It reminds me of how lucky I am to have such an amazing person in my life. One who makes me smile when I’m sad. One who has the funniest jokes.
When we play around and joke I can be myself and that is a top priority for me.
What is love if you can’t be yourself?
5. We both have our own space.
I’m not an expert when it comes to relationships, but my experience in this relationship has taught me a few things. One of those things is the importance of having your own space, especially when you both live together.
A friend of mine flipped out when she heard my boyfriend has a man cave.
She didn’t like the idea, and even though she has the space to create her own “man cave” she was against it.
Some people want to share every waking moment with their significant other. But, space is necessary. His “man cave” is his space.
You want your partner to miss you.
Missing each other makes the sex better, It makes our conversations deeper, and it allows us to attend to ourselves.
Being in a relationship isn’t just about the other person. You have to carve out time for yourself. You have to get to know you.
“People who know themselves have a certain power that is magnetic.” — Maryam Hasnaa
6. We trust each other.
Trust is the foundation of love. Without it, there is nothing. If I’m going to hang out with a friend, my boyfriend tells me to have fun. He hugs me and kisses me, then I see him later.
I never have to check-in or keep him updated every hour. Out of respect, I text him with updates and ETA’s but I’m never questioned or ask to come home early.
7. We apologize.
I often say sorry the most because I tend to just speak without thinking — I’m a blabbermouth. But the thing is, we both apologize. We aren’t afraid to say sorry. We don’t let our egos get in the way.
8. We work as a team.
A lot of women in my family go by the motto “my way or the highway.” That motto isn’t one that I go by. My boyfriend and I work as a team. I don’t call the shots and demand things, we both mutually agree. When it’s time to pick out decor for the house or new furniture, we choose together. If we’re buying a new appliance or TV, we do it together
It goes beyond purchases.
If I cook, he’ll clean. If I do the groceries, he’ll clean out the closet. We compliment each other. I do the things he doesn’t like, and he’ll do the things I don’t like.
When we work together, it creates a stronger bond in our relationship.
9. We find balance in our busy lives.
My boyfriend and I are busy people. I work, go to school, and write on Medium. I have a lot on my plate, but for him, I’ll rearrange things in a heartbeat, and he’ll do the same. When I’m off the next day, and he works, we’ll stay in and watch a movie instead of going out. We find small ways to spend time together, even if it’s cooking a meal.
He calls me every day, on his way home from work, and it’s something I always look forward to.
I’ve learned people make time for what they want and who they love. So if you’re ever in a situation where you’re afraid being busy will push someone away, remember to find a balance. However, finding a balance means both people are putting in the effort.
10. We’re Intimate
Yes, sex is important, but being intimate is more than just sex. Being intimate involves foreplay, touching, and self-expression. Being able to feel comfortable with your partner is important. My boyfriend knows what I like and what I don’t.
Sometimes we try different things. Sometimes we make each wait a little longer than usual to make the sex extra exciting.
Sometimes the sex is so good I cry. I hold him tight and don’t want to let go.
Sometimes we just talk in the dark.
We can sit in the dark talking to each other until we fall asleep. We can have deep conversations over a sandwich or while driving. These are also intimate moments. He knows my darkest secrets, and I know his.
In the end, you know the signs when you see them. Being in a healthy relationship means there are more good moments than bad. It means you both are growing and adding to one another. Yes, every relationship has its flaws.
We all have something we need to work on however, you shouldn’t have a cloud of anxiety being in a relationship. You shouldn’t have to hide things from each other.
“Never leave a true relationship for a few faults. Nobody is perfect, nobody is correct, and in the end, affection is always greater than perfection.” — YourTango
