Meaning In Life Provides Peace In Death
As with most concepts beyond our understanding, a sense of dread accompanies the idea of death. What is it exactly that helps some people embrace these unknowns?
In my 20 years of working with older adults, it has been curious to observe that religious adherence seems split among my patients. In hospice work, I see an equal percentage of theism and nontheism on both sides of a person’s death. Dying and grieving people alike seem evenly split between categories of faith and non-faith.
Metaphysics of Life and Death
Our understanding of life, existence, being, reality, and consciousness feels intuitive. Aside from considering concepts like purpose, we generally don’t bother with the linguistic semantics of what it means to be alive. We don’t concern ourselves because we don’t fear it.
We are not afraid to exist because existence is not unknown to us. Our understanding of our living selves is (outside of shower thoughts, psychedelics, and some branches of academia) simply not considered. But although we also understand that the end of life is inevitable, death is much less palatable as a concept. We experience death trepidation because we do not understand it.
Life and death are similar in comparison to the contrasts of light and dark. One is a tangible thing, one is the absence of that thing. Darkness, as we have defined it, does not exist as a separate entity but rather as the nonexistence of light. Death too, does not exist on its own. It is the absence of life.
Although we struggle to comprehend what we cannot see, we collectively know that death comes for us all. It is part of what I call the Triad of Inevitabilities in life that creates mass panic: aging, illness, and death. In Western cultures especially, we run and hide from these truths, pushing them aside to confront at a later time.
Aging and Death Anxiety
Our relentless pursuit of body-hacking, anti-aging, and immortality exemplifies our colossal discomfort with the inherent awareness of death. Reported religious believers also participate in these same anti-aging and life-extending rituals.
I had incorrectly assumed that generational religiosity and increased awareness of mortality would correlate with increased piousness in my older adult client populations. Existential isolation, or the understanding that we both enter and exit the world alone, increases with age.
It is also true that religious faith has been shown to provide comfort for those both approaching death and those navigating the loss of a loved one. Religion, however, does not necessarily prevent or counteract fear. Often it adds guilt to innate fears of death and additional aspects of anger to the traverse of grief.
Religion offers validation in the form of a grandiose understanding of “knowing” what lies beyond death, rather than true security with the unknown. In many ways, atheism is more exemplary of a definition of faith that implies trust: peace with uncertainty. Nonbelievers do not purport to know what lies beyond their current life.
Confidence in an afterlife assumes continued consciousness and therefore, not actual death. Conversely, if we consider atomic energy rather than religious interpretation or consciousness, life by definition, also continues after the body stops working.
As neither mindset acknowledges a true absence of life, neither offers complete relief from existential fear.
Life and Meaning
In hospice, we often witness the phenomenon of terminal agitation. Although organ shutdown can create distress, it is widely understood that “unfinished business” in life contributes to a general lack of peace regarding death. That business is understood to be relational.
According to the existential psychotherapist Dr. Irvin Yalom, “a great relationship breaches the barriers of a lofty solitude, subdues its strict law, and throws a bridge from self-being to self-being across the abyss of dread of the universe” (Yalom, 1980, p.362).
Religious belief provides reassurance in the form of assigning meaning and offering a sense of community, helping to combat feelings of isolation.
I have noticed that of the percentage of patients claiming to be religious, many no longer actively practice any of their religious rituals. These quiet believers have no prompting to engage in devotional practices or settle anything further between themselves or their deities. It is a finished business. It is an established identity and relationship.
As we propel forward in the universe, seemingly faster with our increasing technological mastery, many wonder if we are losing collective spirituality and meaning. Some feel this is a loss of human connection, others observe it as a trending distancing from theistic beliefs.
Indeed, improved accessibility itself does not appear to be increasing the sense of connection required to comfort existential isolation and dread. It seems also true that religious beliefs alone provide little meaning.
It is the quality of our relationships, with each other or with our gods, that gives our lives value. And when we find value in our lives, we can look forward to death with peace.
Reference:
Yalom, I., 1980. Existential Psychotherapy, Basic Books, Yalom Family Trust.
