I’m No Longer Speed; I Was Speed: A Personal Essay about “Cars”
I was used to racing my grades to the top, just like Lightning McQueen — from “Cars” — racing his way to the podium. My academic grades were my core identity. Thus, I raced for trophies during my school years. Until my figurative tires got tired — I was no longer the back-to-back champion. Ever since then, my path was a map I didn’t understand — I couldn’t see anything familiar. Just like him, I was lost in a place I didn’t intend to visit. Acknowledging that I was somewhere far from my usual state, I was crushed.
Sheryl Crow has warned me through the soundtrack:
Slow down, you’re gonna crash
I wish I heard her loud and clear. I had my crash after not slowing down for I-lost-count years. Lessons are definitely learned.
As I felt like I had no grip on my life, I drove my way to go back to the past — through films, music, or interact with old friends. Last month, I took each route despite the detour. I re-watched all Cars the movie, listened to the soundtrack, and talked about it with a fellow Disney enthusiast.
We went from “I remember this and that” to “We didn’t see that one when we were kids”. That’s the thing about going back to the past with a fresh pair of perspectives. We could see more shades of the story. For example in Cars (2006) about Sally’s storyline. As a kid, I saw Sally as just a girl who happened to be Lightning's love interest. However, the blue Porsche offered more color beyond her presence as the main character’s love interest. She had a big and busy life as a law attorney in California. However, she has had enough of the hustlin’ life and chose to slow down in Radiator Springs.
In Cars 2 (2010), Lightning was speed-shamed by Francesco Bernoulli because Lightning decided to rest. Francesco Bernoulli was basically yelling “You’re doing nothing?”. I sensed that Lightning’s pride was hit by the bus, so he stepped up and accept Bernoulli’s challenge to get back. They then hustled on the street again. My 12 year old eyes didn’t see all that. What I saw were just problems. These days I’ve been exposed to the narration of hustle culture and how people have been practicing it unconsciously. I was definitely guilty for that. I grew up in a family that always had things and resting was not our main itinerary. Despite the rise of slow living — and of course the pandemic that slows things down — it was definitely hard to unlearn my habit of speeding up. My left foot might be pressing the brake pedal, yet my right foot was still pressing the gas.
Arriving at Cars 3 (2017), Lightning was speed-shamed again by Storm — the rookie. Storm’s average speed was higher than Lightning. Again, Lightning’s pride was hit by the bus. He looked for help to elevate his speed. He had a hard time accepting that his maximum speed was still lower than Storm’s average. He was used to the idea that he’s the fastest. Therefore, his mantra “I am speed” was no longer relevant.
Lightning McQueen’s pride is his speed. He defined himself by just his speed. Whenever someone — or somecar — looked down on his speed, he would be ready to prove himself with his full throttle. This behavior was also mine. I went full-throttle on myself until I could no longer enjoy what was on the road and BAM! Crash.
Ever since then, I learn to be more like Sally. I’ve been feeling like a Sally for about 5 years now — living in a Radiator Springs mindset. Unlike Lightning, I no longer chase what’s in front of me. I am no longer obsessed with taking someone’s place on the podium. I just… drive, pull over before I need to, stop when I want to. Park on random gas stations, sit for an hour or two in their donut shop, take some sips from the cup, and leave. Drive off, back to the lane. I learn to take pit stops without having my best friends point out my dark eye circles. I learn to not force myself to break through the storm. I learn to change my tires before they explode. I embrace the fact that I no longer resonate with Lightning McQueen, because the time I feel like speed is real gone.
