100 and Under
Is Anyone Born to Be Married? : One Parent, One Decision
I knew I was too controlling to marry!
I was sitting in my favorite coffee shop reading one morning when it hit me all at once. It was getting close to the age I had chosen to become a parent, but there was no way I could do this with someone else. I’m just too controlling to marry, and this started making me feel pretty anxious.
Luckily, I had an epiphany that made everything seem OK again. There are other ways of becoming a parent besides having children with another person! I didn’t have to be married; there were different ways. Parenthood was still possible for me even though it felt like everything only served as a reminder that I wasn’t where all my friends were at with their families.
I wanted to be a parent, but I was not born to be married. Is anyone? Maybe some. I couldn’t bear the thought of having someone by my side making all these critical decisions about my children with me. What if we disagreed on the most important things? Their education, what rules to follow, or not. Would we teach them religion? Although I was born and raised in a catholic family. I consider myself agnostic, so. The worst came when I imagined going thru a divorce. Would my children be used as a way to blackmail me? — I know it happens all the time. It would be a nightmare.
Parenthood is something that I should probably do alone. Still, the thought of doing it without sharing my life with someone was even more terrifying for me. I know! I could see the contradiction too!
I came from a conservative catholic background where being married and having children was the norm and was expected from you. All of my friends are married with kids anyway, so there was this constant reminder that something must be wrong with me for not having what they have. I was in a panic.
I felt like I wasn’t sure what to do, and I didn’t want to marry someone or share that responsibility, but I knew that I desired children. That has been my intention since I was 16 years old.
Parenthood does seem like an impossible challenge on its own! Parenting may not be easy, but it doesn’t mean it’s impossible either. There’s always something you can do to make things better, and life has plenty of options! Even if they don’t seem apparent right now, they’re out there waiting for you to discover them too.
It makes sense why people think single parents never succeed — look at how many challenges we have on our own compared to those who marry and have children. Parenthood is a full-time job, and it requires many sacrifices from us!
When you are not married, have no children, or are single, society implies that you are missing out on something in your life; it can’t be complete. I used to get irritated when someone said that.” Having kids is the finest thing this life has to offer,” or anything similar. It annoyed me. I was thinking to myself: So what? Is it because I’m not changing diapers that am not fulfilled? Is it because I can go out and have a nice dinner with my friends whenever I want? And although I rejected those sentiments, deep within, there was a kernel of truth. At 38 years old, I knew that becoming a parent was something that drove me insane. The thought of having kids made me anxious, but I would have done anything to become a parent.
So being the information junkie that I am, I decided to start “Project Parenthood.” I began to read everything I could find about being a single parent. And as it turns out, there are so many ways you can become a parent without having to be married or have children with someone! There are IVF and sperm donors for those who want more control over the physical traits of their child through artificial insemination. Surrogacy allows people unable to carry a baby independently to choose an individual whose egg will be used during the fertilization process. They use this same method if they need a surrogate mother to take eggs instead of her womb. Finally, adoption is another way, although some people might say it’s not “natural” because you do not have a biological child.
These are just some of the many ways to become a parent. Parenthood is possible, and we should all stop thinking that it’s impossible — unless you are determined to have biological children when you can’t. It might seem like an overwhelming task, but there are steps you can take to make things happen for yourself and help others around us!
Parenthood does require sacrifices from us. I know this first hand; nothing comes close to how rewarding it’ll be when you finally see them smile at you or each other because they’ve achieved something great together as a family! Parenthood requires a full-time commitment, money sacrifice, time dedication, and many other things. But isn’t love worth everything?
I completely understand people that say the opposite, and that is perfectly content without their little Me’s. Parenthood is not for everyone, and if you are happy with your life without children, don’t feel bad about it. Enjoy life! Parenthood is an enormous responsibility, but most of all, it’s a privilege!
And yes! children are the greatest thing in life! OK, a lot of clichés are indeed clichés because they’re accurate. However, as you may have observed, most clichés are clichés because they’re true. Parenthood is not only the most beautiful but also the most challenging thing you’ll ever do in your life. Parenting requires a lot of sacrifices, and it’s an enormous responsibility! But there are many reasons why I believe parenthood is worth everything!
In future posts, I will be sharing my journey of becoming a single parent of twins!
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