What’s the formula of rest?
I ask myself on a walk around St. Sophia’s Cathedral in Kyiv
The chilly wind draws my anxiety outwards to my skin. This unusual warmth of September can only occasionally heat me up enough to make me believe it is still summer outside. Shadows store characteristically autumnish coolness. My hands and feet get cold too fast and it takes too long to warm them up. I wear my thin T-shirts as my chest can still feel too hot when exposed to the sun. I should wear gloves and wool socks to accompany my shorts and shirts. What a trendy look that would be!
The people around feel confused by the weather, too– some quickly switch to jeans and light sweaters, and others try to keep their shorts on for as long as the weather allows.
I feel even more confused by Monday, by its forced productivity. I don’t have a traditional job, so I don’t have much to do on Mondays. My body, however, runs on a used schedule. It’s particularly palpable in Autumn. This season had always come with a framework – of kindergarten, of school, of university, of 8–5 job. The later I experienced only briefly. Half of the jobs I had were not as categorical. Still, the framework is an inherent part of Autumn. How to get around it when your life is currently framework-less?
It’s a daily struggle, in the sense that I deal with this question daily. Since I don’t have the social continuity most others are used to – when you know what comes, what to expect as the day unfolds – I have to discover…