Reflections of a Woman in Leadership and Technology
#Weeknotes for February 28, 2020
I was very privileged for the opportunity to lend a voice to a panel about women in leadership in the tech industry yesterday. Part of the Discover Tectoria event, this panel of brilliant women received excellent questions from a team put together by Humaira Ahmed, CEO of Locelle.
The questions were about how women can negotiate, navigate, and neutralize situations in male dominated industries. While the notion of being on the panel might suggest that I know how to do all this… I wasn’t so sure, and still am not, but do have better insights.
I took the time in the morning, after sleeping on the questions, to explore my answers and decided to type them out into weeknotes. If you’re interested in what I was somewhat prepared to say (much of it I did), the Q&A is below.
Reflecting on the conversation overall, here are a few of the highlights for me:
My entire team stood the whole hour to be there and support me. They’ve nudged me to do stuff like this in the past, and it’s clear they weren’t just being nice. It helped to melt away that imposter syndrome.
Before the panel, I had a candid chat with some women about the notion that it’s hard for women to avoid competition with others. It revealed to me how much of a puzzle that is. The notion of scarcity (limited space for women to lead) or some natural biological inclination came up, without conclusion. This might be something I research some more. Regardless, showing up for each other in safe spaces was an agreed upon cure.
Four women with very different pathways had a lot in common. One element in particular that stood out was a supportive partner. Others were lucky with their choices, but I wasn’t the only one who had divorced a man who believed I had no right to offer my value beyond making him look good. We all agreed: pick your partner wisely and make sure you have a conversation about your ambitions (and maybe start acting on them BEFORE you get too committed). There wasn’t enough time on the panel to fully exclaim how incredible my now husband is at lifting me up and being the safe space to be my weird, ambitious self.
Expectations around motherhood and household management still dampen our spirits and capacities. I was 23 when I had my son and got married. I put myself through the rest of university and graduated with distinction. I worked a near full time day job the whole time and supported my ex’s business on weekends and evenings, as well as his multitude of hobbies. Guess who also tended cleaning, grocery shopping, cooking, bath time, bed time, swimming/soccer/t-ball, yard work, dog walking, home finance… I’m not sure where my career (let alone the other relationships I didn’t have time for) would be today if I didn’t do all that as well struggle to communicate the disparity for years. So again, choose wisely.
Finally, I was reminded that men apply for opportunities way more often than women, because they more often believe in their potential, whereas women will only apply if they feel they have all the desired experience. This tells me a few things:
- If a woman is applying to your posting, there is a very good chance she is really qualified.
- It would be wise to communicate an invitation to bring one’s potential in job postings when we are serious about developing our team and are hiring for growth mindset (most of us should be).
- Women will flourish if we take the time to explore their potential with them, and to build their confidence in applying it.
Panel Q&A
How have you seen women cut themselves short in their career by underestimating themselves? In your position now, how have you encouraged women to step up and ask for more?
I’ve seen this and done this: believing we’re here to help, but not necessarily to drive things. I think an antidote I’ve applied is listening for what their passion is and talking through how they might apply them selves visibly towards it.
I’m also not a fan of the ladder climbing mentality, where any upwards opportunity should be a target. An advantage I’d offer anyone, regardless of gender, is go where your passion is, because you’ll sparkle naturally. I think a ladder climbing focus ultimately sets people up for failure as leaders, because they don’t develop credibility through the dedication and practice that comes with passion. I think this is something the world increasingly needs.
When was there an opportunity you said yes to and faked it until you made it? What made you not disqualify yourself from the running?
The moment I stepped into tech as an engagement specialist and business analyst in a big IT project… I came with some HTML, CSS and a strong command of well designed software, but didn’t understand large enterprise software or hardware development. My real passion was making those systems work so we could address climate change.
When I was asked to go work on Digital Strategy for all of government, it didn’t feel like I had all the credentials. What I did have was a leader who had confidence in me. I also had curiosity and grit. I could figure anything out. I could discern what questions to ask and I understood that people were the key to solving problems every time.
I also knew that whatever happened, I would learn a tonne, and that future windows would welcome that experience.
Now, I’m directing a tech innovation lab that builds teams and a community of people who are stepping up uncomfortably everyday to figure things out. It turns out I’m pretty passionate about that.
What support structure do you have in place outside of work that lets you accelerate your career?
I have a husband who creates the home life conditions for me to be balanced, healthy and capable of pursuing my many passions. We also produce and perform music together, and have very similar day jobs, so we’re naturally empathetic towards each other and tolerant. It allows for deep discussions and exploration of personal ambition.
Finding people who you can explore your genuine ambitions with is helpful. I’ve found that difficult with others who might be in competition with me or who are constantly reflecting on their own insecurities… this is where I think having a coach can be valuable.
I also have a son who is now 14 and my family and friends who helped me care for him were a critical support.
What do you think is the biggest struggle women face when they are looking to negotiate, navigate or neutralize situations in male dominated industries like Tech?
Being heard and valued appropriately for their contributions in high risk situations. I think the disparity really shows when there is a struggle or money or a reputation on the line. Those are also the moments that people have opportunities to build experience and trust. So when women are assumed to be less capable or in need of protection, or men are quick and forceful on the draw, there is a lot of lost opportunity.
Men [mess] up those situations all the time. They don’t show up with a super man cape. I think though, when women are given the chance, if they mess up, there’s a sentiment that they probably shouldn’t have been there in the first place. That’s hard to take and hard to break.
Women who do negotiate for themselves are often perceived as “aggressive” or less likeable. Linda Babcock (co-author Women Don’t Ask) recommends women be “relentlessly pleasant” when asking for a raise, promotion or negotiating. Sharon Sandberg recommends women use “communal language”. What is your experience? What advice would you give to navigate or neutralize these expectations?
I’m not sure I’m good at neutralizing these expectations. I mean, I was indoctrinated with Mary Poppins as a toddler. I do tend to show up with a spoon full of sugar, but I’m still willing to take on the bank.
Underneath it all though, I trust that I am valued. I make men and women in leadership positions above me look good (whether they deserve it or not). I’m biased toward action, I get things done, and I’m respected by my peers.
Regarding negotiation, I’ve taken the approach of calling their bluff. I think the negotiation position is strong when you trigger loss aversion bias. You don’t have to be extra nice about it. Just honest.
For example, I was in a job I hated for an organization I either wanted to dismantle, leave, or disrupt and fix. I sent an email to my executive director and told him I was leaving within three months. I was dedicated to building and stabilizing a team during that time, but was actively seeking work elsewhere, unless I was offered an opportunity to do more meaningful and aligned work.
I wanted them to have the opportunity to consider the loss. Both so that they could prepare for it, but also so that I could open the door to more opportunity.
I was handed a job offer within that time and funded to get an Agile Leadership Certificate. That development directly launched me to where I am today.
Research shows women are measured differently in the workplace and in running their own business ventures. Men are more apt to be measured or promoted based on their potential (future), and women based on their track record (past). What is your experience? What advice would you give to neutralize this situation?
Yes. I have observed this and I’m not sure I’m in a position to give advice from my experience. I feel like I’ve been blessed with some excellent leaders, who have sought to challenge and support me.
The question helps me reflect on the kinds of asks and proposals I’ve received though. I do get the sense that I’ve done something to find myself in situations where I’m responsible for breaking ground and applying myself in new ways.
I think it might be that I’m generally malcontent with the status quo, and confident that there is a better way to be and that I can figure it out. I’m not shy about this, and I make a point of articulating it however I can.
Maybe I’m capable of communicating a potential future that resonates with people. Maybe I’m able to build their confidence in my potential by simply being able to communicate about the possibilities while also appreciating the realities of the current state.
I’ve been recognized as a change maker/disruptor or whatever, so I do have a natural inclination to overcome this barrier. But I’m sure there are some things I’ve done that anyone could learn to do.
How do we enable women to be empowered?
I think it depends on what is holding them back. I don’t want to pretend that women’s circumstances, internal or external, are all the same. So perhaps the first step is diagnosis. I think a community, self-reflection, and trusted supports are key to this.
Generally, with systemic challenges, we can all contribute to making women more visible as leaders, inventors, or contributors. So I think events and initiatives like the Women in Leadership Panel are valuable.
I also wonder about the value of placing women next to men, rather than singling us out or separating us.
I’m reflecting on the impression I had when Emma Gawen and Andrew Greenway from Public Digital came to visit the Lab. There was something magical about seeing them present and give advice together. Emma really left an impression of being a strong, trusted leader with me. She’s clearly brilliant, brave and articulate. I wonder if it was partially because I could see the comparison with Andrew, who is also brilliant, in the space. She didn’t need to be especially elevated. She stood tall on her own.
What importance does mentorship play in your success? How does one go about being a mentor?
I’m not good (or practiced) at seeking mentorship in the formal sense.
I’m generally curious about people’s methods and experience, so I often feel like I am extracting mentorship all the time. But I could probably gain more by spending time with a dedicated mentor or mentors.
I’m going to learn more about this because I have found a female leader who is genuinely interested in my potential, and we have our second lunch date set for March. I’m excited, but also nervous because I know she is going to help me challenge myself.
For my colleagues and staff, that is where I focus as a mentor. Let’s learn about what you want to achieve, and where I can offer insight into approaches, tools or networks, I will. Where I can’t, or if I’m not sure my approach is going to work for that person, I’ll think of who else might be good to connect with that has the right chemistry.
What is a mindset you have overcome?
“Those guys are jerks.”
I’m pretty determined about my passions, and it’s easy to get upset when people get in the way or belittle me (especially when the system reinforces it). I’ve done a lot of work, including research and training, to understand why this happens so that I can leave that mindset behind and get on with my work.
I’ve been especially into decoding the applications of emotional intelligence, organizational dynamics, behavioural psychology and foresight tactics to remove barriers, without letting a sense of me vs. them get in the way. There’s almost always an opportunity to find common ground or to orient around shared outcomes. Getting to a place of having safe conflict (challenging conversations) is also important.
While I might jump to “WTF” from time to time, I’m practiced at not just using the expletives to express my dismay. I genuinely ask: what the f* is going on here?
Wrap up — what’s one final piece of advice you’d like to share with the audience?
Empowering women is not an end for me. It’s a means to a very important end — one that we are collectively facing with increasing speed and threat: our society is not going to look the same as it does in the next 20–50 years.
The climate crisis is re-writing how we relate to each other on multiple fronts, and women are a critical voice and collection of hands that need to get busy figuring out how we restructure and sustain healthy communities and organizations.
I think our orientation towards diversity and inclusion is an important one for seeding our success in this. For me, it’s not about a collection of individuals gaining power and influence in their career paths… its about our collective ability to channel a diversity of talent that can work together respectfully and positively for progress.
My advice is to be aware of the changes that are coming and orient yourself and your passions to contribute.
Finally, I’m learning more and more that effective leadership is a critical enabler or barrier to these goals. So I hope I’m on the right path to creating the right conditions for capable leaders to grow and succeed. And I’m grateful for opportunities like this to learn how to do it better.
