I Have a Secret, but it Doesn’t Matter…They Won’t Listen Anyway

Can you keep a secret?

Neither can I.

But don’t worry…they won’t listen anyway!

It’s so simple, it hurts!

What is the secret?

Come on! Tell us already!

Okay, here it goes…

…Religious institutions would find their flocks sticking around longer (maybe indefinitely), if they allowed their congregants to live their lives without restrictions…

…without judgement…

…without fear…

…without trauma…

…Annnnnd, not force them to learn about their religion.

*record scratch*

Wait a minute…

What the…

How?

Haven’t these institutions been doing those things above for millennia? Is it not working?

Clearly not!

How is the reverse going to work?

It’s simple…

I believe in the Purple Unicorn!

You do?

No, no, just for the analogy.

Ohhh, okay.

Ahem…I believe in the Purple Unicorn. The Purple Unicorn is perfect. It helps me when I’m sad. It keeps me safe. It protects me from the IRS…and helps me find my TV remote. How do I know this? Well, I’ve never been audited and my remote always turns up! This makes me happy!

That’s all I care about.

But I can’t just believe this and be left alone.

Stay with me…

I go to the church of the Purple Unicorn. The pastor tells me that the Purple Unicorn loves me unconditionally…but there are conditions for His love. I have to pull certain metaphorical levers in my life, including shunning the Garden Gnomes. But the Garden Gnomes I know are all amazing friends. Doesn’t matter…The Garden Gnomes, according to the church of the Purple Unicorn, are not worthy of my friendship. I guess I hate the Garden Gnomes…or do I?

Strike one!

The church also tells me things about the Purple Unicorn from a book that I haven’t read, called The Wooly Equine. It says that once the Purple Unicorn was so unhappy with us, He stomped His hoof on all of the children’s heads. We had to start over and try our best to appease the Purple Unicorn. I didn’t know the Purple Unicorn was so violent and cruel. They tell us that He is not and He has the right to mutilate His creation…because He made us. I guess it works this way…or does it?

Strike two!

The children in the church of the Purple Unicorn just want to play and have a good time with their friends. But the powers that be insist that we tell them about the Purple Unicorn’s son, Rainbow Mule, who came to die to save them from the Purple Unicorn’s wrath on the first two people created. Those two people, who were mentally equivalent to infants, did something bad that they didn’t know was bad until after the bad thing they did opened their eyes to what bad things are. They wouldn’t have done the bad thing on their own, so the Purple Unicorn allowed a Cornflower Blue Worm to convince the infant-brained people to do the bad thing. So Rainbow Mule came to die to appease the Purple Unicorn, whose plan involved all of the things that led to the reason to have Rainbow Mule come and create a loophole for the Purple Unicorn to forgive the rest of us for what the original people did, millennia before we existed.

Oh, and the bad thing they did was rub a leaf on their eyelids. I guess the Purple Unicorn had His reasons for creating the system this way…or did He?

Strike three!

You’re out!

Damage done!

I’ve seen it. I’ve felt it. I’ve held it, while it cried on my shoulder and grasped at my back for sanctuary.

This is the secret…

If these organizations allowed the kids (and adults for that matter) to just do fun things with their friends, without pressuring them with bogus religious teachings, horrible consequences, and mind/body control…the people would have a positive connection to the church/mosque/synagogue, etc. and grow up with a healthy perception of themselves, their community and their religion. In turn, the congregants would want to continue coming, bringing their children and so on and so on, infinitely.

If they stopped being so judgemental, controlling and restricting…their numbers would potentially grow, or at least remain relatively the same.

They just can’t let it go.

We’ve seen the opposite happen!

There are a few organizations that do just that! Allow the people to celebrate their lives, be who they are and strive to be better…for goodness’ sake alone. Sunday Assembly and Oasis are a few examples.

If the basis of morality is well-being, then let my people go!

I’ll gladly work with them to make this world a better place for everyone…including the religious folks. This can all be done from a humanistic perspective. No silly supernatural stories required.

By placing the highest value on interpersonal connections, kindness, and the human experience…we can all move forward together.

Religious institutions miss the mark when they focus on the stories…

…and not the people.