Kids Are Inherently Humanist…I Think
My two boys are absolutely hilarious and as opposite as anyone can be from each other.
Nathan, my seven year old is the sweetest, most caring rule follower I’ve ever seen. When I say he’s by the book, I’m talking, he’s studied ethics and morality 101…maybe in the womb? He finds it difficult to justify doing something that might be considered morally “outside the box,” and usually would say that one should never steal, never cheat and never tell a lie. I’ll explain my second child shortly and then tell you a funny story about truthfulness and ethical dilemmas from both of their perspectives. When it’s fight or flight…you can almost see wings sprouting from Nathan’s back on his way out the door, above the table or under the bed…whichever is closer. He’s our heart on his sleeve, tear in his eye and genuine proper people pleaser. He’s a natural humanist at heart.
Connor, my four-year-old with a teenage attitude, is the mirror image of his brother. Connor is a rule breaker, heart breaker and all around serious shit disturber. But lovable all the same. Please don’t tell him I wrote this…I’ll be in danger. Instead of walking on eggshells around him, we’re walking on artillery shells with hammer toes. He does not back down in a quarrel. He escalates. He is like a certain dictator that threatens to use nukes but actually presses the button. But he’s cool. He’s got a charming, soft side when he wants to. He has a very big heart, and I think that’s part of his biggest problem. When things don’t go the way he wants to see them go, especially when something hurts his feelings…look out Hiroshima!
The funny story I mentioned earlier, is better understood with both of their individual character profiles, out in the open.
As a family, we were discussing when it’s appropriate to lie…if there is an appropriate time. Nathan piped up and said, “It’s never okay to lie because it hurts people.” Very thoughtful answer…man I love that kid. I wanted to show them that actions can be relative to the situation and have them understand where and when to apply certain tactics. But man, he pulls at my heartstrings. Connor went next, “It’s okay to lie when someone has something I want, and I tell them I have something they want.” Clever, but not a very good time to lie. My response was, “Hmmm, both of those answers are very different. I’m not sure I would agree with either of those, but let’s think of a scenario in which it might be a good idea to tell a lie.” I paused to see their reactions. Both staring intently at me for the next sentence. “If we were in Poland during the initial invasion by Nazi Germany, and we had a Jew hiding in our house…and Nazis knocked on the door, would you lie and tell them that there were no Jews here?”
Now, before I get into the responses, I know what you’re thinking…that is a heavy subject for kids this age. In our house, we don’t shy away from talking about history as it really was and situations where cunning intellect is/was needed. That’s just how we roll.
Nathan’s response was painted on his face before he could answer. “I don’t, I don’t know what I would do! Because it’s not good to lie and, and it’s not good to tell them…I don’t know what to do!” His brother piped in with his two cents: “Yeahhh, I’d tell them the truth…then I’d headbutt them out the door!” My hero. What a response. Headbutting Nazis for the win! We had quite the conversation after that about when it’s okay to “steal” something. Like a heart attack victim on the street and an AED machine inside a closed shop window…which Nathan understood as akin to borrowing the machine, temporarily, to save someone’s life. He would both pay for a new window and accept that the machine is now “used” and can’t be returned for a full refund. Connor would do anything he could to save the person…even if that meant kicking the door off its hinges…or using dynamite.
Both of my boys make me proud. In their differences and in their similarities. The conflict avoider and the chaos king. Both representing Humanist values in different ways. I can’t wait to see what the future has in store for both of these thinkers. I hope the world is ready. You’re welcome, and I’m sorry.
