Loud and Clear

Photo by Ryan Cuerden on Unsplash

The word ‘conspire’ has its roots in the Latin word ‘conspirare,’ which means ‘to breathe together’ or ‘to agree.’ It is derived from the combination of the prefix ‘con-’ (meaning ‘together’) and the verb ‘spirare’ (meaning ‘to breathe’). Etymologically, the word implies a sense of unity, collaboration, and a shared purpose or intention.

However, this notion of collective effort is often seen in a more sinister light, i.e. conspiracy. And while there is no apparent direct connection to the use of ‘spirare’ to the spire of a church, it certainly denotes the idea of one group of people breathing together in their collective prayers to heaven.

Just as the word ‘conspire’ suggests a secretive convergence of purpose, a church with a spire might cover the shadowy schemes and underhanded tactics of those who seek to solidify their authority and advance their interests under the guise of piety.

One way this manifests is in Christian ‘doublespeak’. Coded phrases and euphemisms that have alternate meanings for those in the know. Linguists call this ‘linguistic ambiguity’. What is heard and what is meant are two different things. Like the forked tongue of a snake.

Behold, I am sending you out as sheep in the midst of wolves, so be wise as serpents and innocent as doves. — Mathew 10:16

“Bless your heart”, perhaps more southern than Christian, is an expression I think everyone is familiar with and understand it to mean “you are an idiot.” Not loud, not clear. Subtle. Context is obviously crucial to determining the intent. So with this notion in mind, here is a list of 10 ‘Fellowship Hall’ euphemisms to watch out for.

1. I think the world of you. Or, ‘you mean the world to me’. This is a nice complement to the uninitiated ‘nones’ of the world. However, this is meant as an insult to non-Christians. To a Christian, the world is a dirty sinful place, full of the schemes of the devil. Christians are ‘Not Of This World’, some even fancy themselves to be alien visitors here. This is derived from scripture. You may have seen the NOTW sticker on a car. So to ‘think the world of you’, in this context, has a completely new meaning. 1 John 2:15–17 — “Do not love the world or the things in the world…”
2. He/She is ‘super’. Ah, a personal favorite. In this context, the word they are actually using is ‘souper’. Someone a Christian describes as ‘super’ means they are a walking bag of soup. Without the image of God, the Imago Dei, there is no godliness, no divinity in them. And no power. It’s the same as calling someone a dirt-bag, just more subtle. Among these types of insults are several other terms; sand, grease, sod, weed. If you listen closely as they gossip about others, you will know them by their fruits.
3. Not my cup of tea. This refers to the chalice, or cup, of communion of Christ’s ‘blood’. So if someone describes something or someone as ‘not my cup of tea’, this means that they are not a Christian. The tea here is the letter ‘t’, as in the shape of the cross, so ‘not my cup of t’.
4. I put him on the back-burner. Most people perceive this to mean give something a lower priority, less attention. However, this can also mean to turn the heat up on someone. To create/contrive situations to induce stress, worry, or concern. A taste of the fires of hell, here on earth. Figuratively, the heat of the flames of hell on your back. Or perhaps just a sore back from doing so much kneeling and praying in an effort to escape your induced misery.
5. Discernment. Quite simply: This-urn-meant. In other words, meant for the ash-pit of hell. “I think when it comes to dealing with John we should just use discernment”.
6. Collab. Same idea as ‘back-burner’. Coal lab. Put you on a bed of hot coals. “I’m going to collab with you”.
7. Sincere. Again, just how it sounds. If someone is described as sincere, it can mean either that they believe that your sin gets you burned (sear), or they are describing someone who’s sin has, or will, get them burned.
8. Soulmate. Another fun one. This refers to ‘sole mate’. In other words, someone/something underneath the sole of your shoe. If I know that you don’t like someone but you tell someone else that same individual is your soulmate, I know what you mean. In a certain context it can also mean that you are above them (i.e. heavenly) as they crawl around in the fallen world underneath you, like an insect on the ground.
9. Carry on. A common phrase from the military that means ‘go back to what you were doing.’ The double-meaning here is ‘carrion’, another word for meat. So as a Christian you might say to someone after speaking with them ‘carry on’. But what you are really doing is calling them ‘carrion’, assuming they are clueless of the hidden insult. Again, absent the ‘Imago Dei’, we are just worthless meat bags.
10. Sweetheart. Some have a heart for God, some have a heart for sweets. In other words, a glutton.

So there you have it. Ten phrases to be on the lookout for if you ever find yourself chatting it up in the fellowship hall. A place for the dove of peace, or a pit of serpents?

Admittedly, many of these sayings are euphemistic for facilitating the figurative death/re-birth through baptism, ‘born again’. In other words, you may have the label Christian, but your old-self is still rattling around in that meat-bag of yours, so the intent is to fully drown, err, baptize, the old you so the new you can be fully incorporated into the ‘body of Christ’. The old you is gone and you are born again. Same concept for the non-Christian.

So from their perspective the ‘meanness’ is not without purpose. You are just a little devil, or susceptible to the devil, until you are fully in the body of Christ and covered (i.e. protected from evil) by Christ’s blood, so they are just trying to ‘save’ you from the devil, and ultimately hell, by getting your full submission. However, it’s a great excuse to be incredibly destructive towards other people. Religious trauma is a real thing. I will leave the discussion of ‘circumcision’, i.e. removing the unwanted parts of the body of Christ, for another post ;-)

“those who torment us for our own good will torment us without end for they do so with the approval of their own conscience.” ― C. S. Lewis

Without the Imago Dei, we are no different from a dog, cat or cow. Or a worm. It’s ok to lie to us and deceive us the same way someone might do to a dog. No difference.

In your subtlety, I find clarity. Now I hear you loud and clear.

Imagine growing up in a faith tradition that teaches you that people are worthless without God, including you, and anyone not already ‘in the fold’ should be viewed with suspicion. Wolves on the prowl, and the only thing protecting you from these ‘wolves’ is your faith. You are a ‘soldier’ in some imaginary spiritual battle, with a shield of faith and a helmet of salvation, and a few other things in your battle kit like a belt of truth and a breastplate of righteousness. I’ve heard former Christian’s talk about how when they were children they would be almost paralyzed with fear from this notion.

To be fair, over the more than three decades that I was connected to the Christian faith, first as an agnostic, then believer, (now atheist) I had the privilege to get to know some incredibly kind, generous, thoughtful, and genuine people. Individuals who are truly Christ-like in their faith. But frankly, this was the exception.

I found most true believers to be deeply broken people, often brainwashed as children into this shared delusion that they have built their entire world-view around. They are hollowed out, with no identity of their own, taught that their only purpose is to be a conduit for the faith, which makes them very susceptible to manipulation and control, even for nefarious purposes. Sexual abuse of adults and children by leaders in the church is an obvious example of this and is found in churches of all faiths all over the world. Without a fully developed internal locus of control these “followers” are helpless.

Paper doll cutouts from the pages of a bible.

But as they grow into adulthood, many choose to try to manipulate others the way they were manipulated, with fear, deception, slander, gossip, lies and cruelty, to force others to submit. Every knee shall bend. Smite the rest.

The God of the Old Testament is arguably the most unpleasant character in all fiction: jealous and proud of it; a petty, unjust, unforgiving control-freak; a vindictive, bloodthirsty ethnic cleanser; a misogynistic, homophobic, racist, infanticidal, genocidal, filicidal, pestilential, megalomaniacal, sadomasochistic, capriciously malevolent bully. — Richard Dawkins

Imago Dei, indeed.

My goal is to write every day of the thirty-one days of May, publishing on Sundays. My next post I am working on I think might be my best yet, the movie The Matrix as Christian allegory. Some of this might be obvious, for example, the character name Trinity, or the ship’s name, Nebuchadnezzar, who was the king who rebelled against God. But there are a lot of other themes and sub-plots in the movie that are likely to be missed by most ‘nones’. I think this could be a real eye-opener for some of you.

If you liked this article, please consider following me. In the meantime, here is another post by me about atheism that you might like, Rock It Science. Thanks.

What about you? Do you have any examples of Christian doublespeak? I wonder if experiencing ‘linguistic ambiguity’ in similar contexts is what inspired George Orwell to coin the phrase.