My Ship Crashed
A story about Evangelical Christianity
When I was an Evangelical Christian, there was an analogy I saw over and over again. It went a little something like this:
We are on a ship, and God is the captain. The things He tells us to do — the ways He guides our ship — may not make a lot of sense in the moment, but all we need to do is trust Him. Let Him continue to guide our ship. Through rough waters, He will lead us to safety.
I’ve thought of the ship analogy many times since my deconversion. That analogy was a huge part of my former belief system. It was such a nice thing to believe. It was comforting to think that I didn’t need to worry about trying to pilot a ship on a rocky sea all by myself. That God was in charge, and all I needed to do was keep trusting him, always do what he tells me, and stay along for the ride!
At some point, I realized that the God-as-pilot portion of the analogy fell short. I mean, I was the one who got out of bed every morning, I was the one who chose my day-to-day activities, I was the one who chose which job to pursue, which apartment to rent, which person to marry. I read the Bible daily, I prayed nearly constantly, and the things I felt like God was telling me in my mind were what I used to guide all of my decisions. But I still actually did all of the things.
