Relationship Advice for a Non-Religious Partner

So you’ve met someone, eh?

Sometimes sparks fly and set fire to the dry grass before the religion question comes up.

Sometimes those flames spread to the woods, during a No Burning season and set it all ablaze.

A forest fire of passion can happen in a blink.

Sometimes…the religion question doesn’t have a chance to come up at all.

Until it does.

It’s best to get it out there, as soon and as naturally as possible.

Don’t make it a big deal! Try not to cause alarm by having your partner sit down for some big news.

Just sprinkle it into normal conversation. If you sneeze and your partner says “bless you,” you can ask them why they say that?

It sounds like a funny question. But it might give you a chance to find out how religious your partner is, without directly asking.

The conversation could go like this:

You: “Achoo!”

Partner: “Bless you!”

You: “Thanks! Why do you say that?”

Partner: “Say what?”

You: “Bless you?”

Partner: “Oh, it’s just one of those things ya say, like a habit.”

You: “Ah gotcha, I think it’s supposed to ward off evil in the case that your soul leaves your body. Like an ancient superstition. Have you heard that before?”

Partner: “Oh, nope never heard that. But I am Christian…so maybe that’s why I’m used to saying it.”

You: “Ah okay, I’m not very religious, what denomination are you?”

Partner: “I guess I’m Methodist…but I’m not really religious either. Most just family ties.”

If you add to everyday conversation, it can be less threatening and actually have someone else think about their own position.

This has happened to me with friends. We will be talking and a superstitious action happens. I ask them why they do that. Usually they have no clue what it means, but it gives them a chance to acknowledge the behaviour and consider why they do it.

Once it’s out there, the conversation can continue or you can let it go.

If your partner states that they are religious and that they go to church. You can analyze if it’s safe to go with them or not.

I don’t mean safe as in real danger. I just mean to see if you can go with them, without having them think you’re converting.

There are lots of unbelievers in the pews. Some will be there because they’re looking for answers to life’s mysteries. Some were dragged there by loving friends and family…and some are there to support their loved ones.

I was in the latter category for quite a while, but I made the mistake of not declaring my non-belief beforehand.

It got messy when I decided I couldn’t go to church anymore.

It seemed like an attack on my wife and her family, because they didn’t realize that I didn’t believe the narrative from the beginning.

My friend was dating a Muslim and he came out about his non-belief pretty early on. It turns out, she wasn’t really a believer either. Now they are married with kids and they are sharing cultural aspects from both of their backgrounds.

I’m in the same boat with my Christian wife. I took the long way around, but we are now raising kids with information from any and all angles. They are free to explore many belief systems and eventually land on what they feel is best.

I hope this story, saves you the trouble.

Get your thoughts and feelings out, before you’re stuck in the choir or volunteer committee.

Especially before you tie the knot…