The Bible According to Mark Twain
And a tribute to his humanism
Samuel Clemens, aka Mark Twain, is often referred to as “the father of American literature.” He died in 1910 with many of his writings not yet published. These include numerous essays, stories, diaries, and drafts showing revisions he made prior to certain stories being published. These “lost” treasures continue to be published today by The Mark Twain Library in Redding, Ct., and The Mark Twain Project located at the University of California at Berkeley.
Some of the newly released material is contained in the book The Bible According to Mark Twain. This book is an attempt to compile in one source, many of the things that he wrote about the Bible and religion in general. As most of his books do, this one contains his brand of humor and wit, but as he often does, a much deeper and serious point is being made. His awareness of painful injustices he observed greatly overshadowed most everything else in his life. While he had a great sense of humor, what he observed caused him much anger and depression. As an aside, he was Kurt Vonnegut’s hero; and both men were truly like-minded in almost every way, including the anger and depression which they often addressed in humor and sarcasm. Twain said that life was so cruel, that one had to come up for air now and then. Kurt even named his son Mark after Mark Twain.
Twain was a student of history and science who knew the Bible exceedingly well. I am not aware that he ever claimed to be a full fledged atheist, but he certainly knew that the Bible contained many contradictions and that it sanctioned much immorality. He also was not impressed with the hypocrisy and the lack of decent morality he observed from the Christians he encountered on a regular basis. Needless to say, he was seldom shy about expressing what he thought.
In The Bible According to Mark Twain he gives us almost 400 pages of delightful entertainment along with fanciful images as he describes entries from the personal diaries of Adam, Eve, and Noah, among others. He also was able to locate letters that Satan sent to Michael and Gabriel. In one such letter Satan described how hard he tried to explain to Eve what words like “obey” and “death” meant, questions she had asked him about. After many attempts to explain them, he wrote that she was like a child who had no ability to comprehend concepts such as “obey” or “death.” She simply was completely devoid of any ability to even comprehend the difference between good or evil. So if she really wanted to know those things, she would just have to eat the fruit.
To those who are familiar with Mark Twain’s writings, they clearly understand his motive is often much more than mere entertainment. He frequently has a serious point he wants to make. One example of the way he entertains with silly and outrageous events while at the same time presenting a deep and important issue is found in an entry he informs us about from the personal diary of Noah. In it, Noah writes that God was so angry at him once that He made him backtrack the ark for 16 days until he finally found and loaded the typhoid fly that his sons had neglected to load before launching the ark. Twain concluded that the fly was not left behind by accident because “all things happen for a purpose.” With all the rotting corpses around, the fly was able to gather many types of bacteria and viruses that could later be passed on when the time was right.
He does the same with his friend Sandy, who is an angel, who escorts him all around heaven and shares with him some fascinating facts about everyday life and people who reside there. In another letter from Satan, he pointed out the insanity of humans, as they invented a heaven that was exactly the opposite of the things they like best; sex, segregation, and very short church services, none of which they teach will be in heaven.
This book is a fun read, especially if you are a Twainian. While Twain can be crude at times, like most of his books, it contains humor, wit, and absurdities; all combined in his attempt to reveal truth, a lot of which is quite ugly, especially when carried to its logical conclusion.
We see his style again in his most popular novel, Huckleberry Finn. It remains after 150 years on most top ten lists of best novels of all time. It was the first American book to put a name and face to a Black slave and presented him as a kind, wise, and moral Man, who dreamt of the day that he could purchase his wife and child who had been sold down the river. Having read and listened to that book many times, my favorite part is after Jim and Huck had been on the Mississippi River for at least a week, that Huck’s conscience began to greatly torment him. Even though he loved Jim and never had a problem with him, he said to himself how terrible a sinner he (Huck) was, for helping to steal his Aunt’s property from her. Her property being, of course, her slave, Jim. Huck knew from his Sunday school teachings that he would surely end up in hell for doing so. He decided he had no choice but to turn Jim in and wrote a note while Jim was sleeping, that he would give to someone when he took the smaller raft to shore for water the next morning.
As Huck was ready to shove off, Jim intuited that there was something troubling Huck. Jim being always alert and “street wise,” recognized that Huck was struggling with something he did not want to share. Jim also knew in the world he was then living, that he had little to no control over most situations and certainly would never harm Huck in anyway. So Jim says, “honey, you be careful and safe… you are the best friend that ol Jim ever had…in fact his only friend.” Huck shoved off and before he got to shore, decided that there was no way that he could forsake his friend. Twain writes the following: “I was a-trembling, because I’d got to decide, forever, betwixt two things, and I knowed it. I studied a minute, sort of holding my breath, and then says to myself: “All right then, I’ll go to hell” — and tore it up.” That still brings a tear to my eyes whenever I read it.
Being a Twainian, who likes to evangelize for the cause, I cannot help but mention another masterpiece that Mark Twain wrote; The Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur’s Court. It is often misunderstood and some people have difficulty “reading between the lines.” Many parts are intentionally absurd, which Twain masterfully uses to make a number of very deep points. His description of incidents involving slavery and other cruelties of people with power remind me of what John Steinbeck said regarding his book, The Grapes of Wrath: “I’ve done my damndest to rip a reader’s nerves to rags, I don’t want him satisfied.” Mission accomplished, Mark Twain.
The book’s setting, of course, is in Britain in the late 5th century. The entire book is the ongoing dream that the fictional Hank Morgan has, who was an unconscious engineer that had been injured during a fight. He found himself traveling to Camelot, the mythical castled city in Great Britain. While all the surroundings and people are from the era of 500 A.D. Britain, Hank had his then modern clothes, language and the advanced knowledge of science, history, and the world in general during the course of his dream. Said knowledge saved him from execution and he quickly became second in command under King Arthur.
While Twain’s description of the slave trade and the cruel abuses and methods of torture by the church and other people of power are painful to read, he understands that the only solution to much of societies’ problems, superstitions and ignorance was education. Using his advance knowledge, his end goal was to eliminate slavery, the aristocracy, and the established church. His methods, while slow, are humorous and at times “insane,” but are quite interesting and insightful. He attempts to educate and reform a very unenlightened and untaught culture and its people, who were living 1500 years earlier.
One incident has a woman named Sandy arrive in Camelot emotionally distressed, who pleaded for help to rescue a number of princes who were kidnapped and imprisoned in an ogre’s castle. After a very difficult and interesting several day journey, she spotted them and cried out “there they are.” She was pointing to some hogs who were corralled in a pigsty. When our second in command of King Arthur’s kingdom was taken aback, she explained that the ogres had cast a spell and turned the princes into pigs. After all, everyone believed in enchantments; nobody had any doubts that a castle could be turned into a pigsty, and its occupants into hogs.
The story even gets crazier as they journey back to Camelot with the “princes” and Sandy being full of joy, kissing all the hogs and just happy as a lark. Near the end of this portion of the book Twain makes sure his readers understand that a person’s upbringing and training is everything; “It can bring a body up to believe anything. She was as sane a person that the kingdom could produce. Yes, how easy it is to seem a lunatic to a person who has not been taught as you have been taught.”
Sandy and Hank later marry and have a child that they loved and protected very much. You will recall that Twain also named his angel friend who gave him a tour of heaven Sandy.
Twain has authored over 28 books and numerous essays and articles. Another classic is his book titled Pudd’nhead Wilson. It’s about two boys who were born on the same day, one born into slavery with 1/32 of Black ancestry and the other born with into a white and wealthy family. Roxy, the mother slave with 1/16 Black ancestry appeared white and was the servant in the white wealthy household. She feared for their safety, and since the boys looked so much alike, switched them so that her son would have the advantages of wealth and whiteness. Years later, when Roxy became very desperate, she informed her real son that she was his mother. If you want to know more, please read the book. Maybe the writer of Trading Places starring Eddie Murphy, did just that. This is another example of Twain lambasting everything from small-town politics and religious beliefs to slavery and racism.
Obviously, there are thousands of good books to choose from, but don’t forget to treat yourself now and then from the amazing writings of Mr. Samuel Clemens, aka Mark Twain, who was at least a hundred years ahead of his time. In fact, he was several hundred years ahead of his time in the Connecticut Yankee. He only had a 5th grade formal education, but his insights about the human race far exceed most people. His resolute advocacy for justice and truth is unsurpassed. He read and studied hard; and in so doing, he did not have high hopes for the future of humanity but labored tirelessly to make a difference.
