There is No Hell…Be Kind Anyway

That is a t-shirt I have.

I bought it off of another volunteer at Recovering from Religion. I think the designer has a shop or something…I don’t remember. I just saw it in a post and gushed over it…next thing I know, I’ve sent $32USD to cover the cost and shipping…about $200 Canadian I think. Nah, it’s not that much. The exchange is not that different at the moment…maybe 20 cents on the dollar?

Sometimes I like to exaggerate…It’s how I express myself…often. My personality is over the top and I like to really push the envelope on the bologna factor. It’s what has gotten me through my adolescence without experimentation in drugs and alcohol. I didn’t need that shit to be the life of the party. Anyway, I need to get back on track. But funny enough, this is also to do with how I express myself…

…So, this shirt. This harmless, piece of fabric with a couple words on it, is somehow an affront to others. How, you ask? Good question…it’s a bit of a head scratcher to me. But of all shirts, even some that I own, this is, if nothing else, a POSITIVE message! It’s a billboard that says “Hey! Don’t worry, you’re not going to burn in a lake of fire for all of eternity…oh yeah and be nice to grandma!” How is that controversial? I mean, I get it…and I don’t.

I know, I know…indoctrination, fear and all that jazz…but come on. If I believed in such a scary place, like The Ark Encounter and someone came along with a shirt that said: “There is no Ken Hamm, be friendly to other animals,” I would drop to my knees and start chanting “I’m not worthy!” like Wayne and Garth in the presence of a washed up rock star.

There is something about challenging someone’s beliefs, even the bad ones, with the possibility that one pillar might not be correct…it’s like their whole world will come crashing down. How is that stable?

Story time. I was wearing said shirt to do some errands around town and lo and behold, a middle-aged gentleman with a handlebar moustache shot me the dreaded triple look. He even dropped his sunglasses to the tip of his nose to get a better look. I had to do my best to stop myself from pulling a Pee Wee Herman and not blurt out “why don’t ya take a picture, it’ll last longer!?!” But instead, I smiled.

Mr. Moustache then told me his opinion of my shirt in the most respectful way he could: “No hell eh? I should just punch you in the face!” I paused, blank stare. “Come again?” I was thinking, as he came close enough for me to smell his breath.

I’m a nice guy, and I do everything I can to avoid confrontation. Hence the missed Pee Wee opportunity I referenced above. My response came as a shock to him:

“My shirt says to be kind…do you think you approached me with kindness just now?” I’ve had lots of practice with aggression over the past 20 years…but I’ll save that for a future story.

We stared at each other for what felt like minutes. It was probably a few seconds. He literally spit out the next sentence: “Yer shirt says no hell, I demand an answer to that!” Puzzled, I asked him “an answer to what? What does the Bible say about hell?” Trying desperately to use Street Epistemology (if you don’t know SE…look up Anthony Magnabosco on YouTube).

“I don’t know,” he said, “I haven’t read it!”

15 more seconds of silence and staring.

“Well, have a nice day my friend” I said, as I started whistling down the street. I don’t usually whistle and walk, but before I said something I would regret…

…I left, in kindness.