Twirling, Twirling, Twirling Towards Freedom
Submitted by Tina
I’m 60 years old, and am embarrassed to say I’ve “deconverted” and “reconverted” not one, not two, but THREE times in my life (including the current deconversion).
The primary reason, as far as I can see from my perspective today, is that I’ve also struggled with mild depression throughout my life (specifically a diagnosis of “Seasonal Affective Disorder,” or S.A.D.). It is a form of depression that happens to people when winter comes, the days get shorter, and there’s not enough sunshine or light. My doctor has recommended some medical and non-medical treatments for me, which do seem to help.
I’ve found that my “reconversions” have always happened when the weather started getting cooler and the clouds started rolling in, making me start feeling… well, sad! And when I feel sad, I instinctively want to do the things that have always comforted me. Like: curl up in a comfy, over-sized chair; read a good book; and yes — as a lifelong Catholic, grab a Rosary and pray on it!
Once I start doing the latter, the action of praying this particular sequence of prayers seems to fire off some synapses in the “religious” segment of my brain, and I find myself wanting to believe again.
Even though I know, intellectually, that it’s all a load of bollocks, I crave…
