Nothing Makes Sense
Everybody is trying to get somewhere. As their first priority. But where have we got to so far, after so much striving, so much desire. Where are we trying to get to?
We believe the way to overcoming the briefness and meaninglessness of life is by doing a lot, as we might be able to drag ourselves out of the emptiness we feel. That doing truly spectacular things will bring us out of this mess. Will deliver us where we truly belong. To the land of rest and happiness. Where everything finally makes sense — our existence, what we’re doing and everything around.
This is the hope, the only hope.. in a thoroughly confusing and alien world. So we thrust ourselves into work.. productivity. Vowing to not stop until we find what we are looking for. But what are we looking for? Has anyone found it?
It seems blasphemous to even consider that what the outstanding majority of people are doing is based in not knowing, in guesswork, with a sense of being completely lost. We were born lost, our parents are lost, our peers are lost, our institutes are lost, everybody is lost. Can you imagine living your entire life feeling lost? How distressing it would be. We have built up arbitrary meaning and keep going, keep building up on that, so that we don’t go crazy. Can you imagine what if someone checked-out of this meaning structure and faced meaninglessness independently. Well, they would have to face the entire human condition alone. Almost like carrying the weight of the world on their shoulders.
The ultimate meaning, the essence of life and existence is.. *boom* 💥.
It cannot be explained by words. Because if it could, we would have done it by now. We have been trying for so many years. All the smartest and most sincere people have wished for nothing but this. To make sense of things for themselves and others.
The answer is bound to be very very simple. Because all the difficult things have already been attempted. Truth is ever present, all pervading.. applicable to everyone. It’s the least common divisor that binds us all. That is fundamental and common to us all.
Such are thoughts I had almost 20 years ago. And I’m still here. I am exactly here. Mind states have changed, a lot has changed in the world. But I am still in the same city. And I have the same question. It’s not a question, it’s a yearning to go beyond, to belong, to find sense.
The only reason we continue to be productive, willingly thrust ourselves into the rat race is because we don’t know any better. Every single other person is doing that. Aspiring for that. Systems are built for that. And we are lost, and scared. We cling to whatever we can find, for dear life. And the productive life is all we can find everywhere. The system rewards us — those rewards don’t really satisfy us, but we make do. Constantly hoping that the next reward the system will give might give us the satisfaction that we have truly yearned for. The everlasting peace that we have never experienced, but sensed.. it’s calling us. It is all we have ever desired.
Eventually we get habituated to the productive life, it becomes embedded in us. We stop to think independently — this is adulting. We become ambitious within the system we’re trapped in, and deny all aspirations of the heart. We silence the heart, mostly by violence.. like substances or food or temporary stimulations. Or criticize ourselves for being essential (being true to essence), or rationalize, discuss, read. So many ways — tools we have learnt from the productive life.
Unwillingly, we make-believe that the reality we are in is in fact the reality we sought. But we don’t entirely buy it. Hence the world doesn’t make sense.. although we have learnt the ways of the world quite well. We are constantly wrestling with ourselves — the essential vs the worldly. Heart vs mind.
The ones who talk about this, even openly think (talk to self) about this, dare to explore this are the taboo group. The outcasts. Either abandoning society or being ostracized by it. Because it’s with great difficulty that the world keeps this secret at bay: that nobody knows. Nobody can make sense. But how can the made up system (the world) function, continue to make believe, find and chase temporary respite repeatedly, if it questions the fundamental tenets. The structure may seem strong and impenetrable, but the grounding is very frail.. and so it must constantly protect itself, banish all outliers, sustain its sanity.
And so we became the heretics.
(June 20 2022, 07:07 pm)
“And there’s nothing wrong with me
This is how I’m supposed to be
In a land of make believe
That don’t believe in me”
- Green Day, Jesus of Suburbia
Related article — “The System” https://ojasmehta.medium.com/atom-heart-mother-7aaa4ab5af1f