This morning the Lemonheads song, Into Your Arms reminded me of how often the line “if I should fall” (or the concept of it) occurs in lyrics, in poetry, in literature. Across genres. Throughout generations.
The ubiquity makes sense. We’re all human, so we all fall… From grace, from stature, from favour. On our faces, on our arses and in the shit.
Sometimes these lyrics sing of the one we know (or hope) will always dust us off, laugh at our clumsiness and kiss us regardless when we inevitably trip over our egos, our dicks, our hearts, their hearts or the metaphoric skateboard that the universe occasionally leaves in the hallway of life.
“If I should fall…”
And sometimes the lyrics are a simple declaration to the one we love,
“If you should ever fall…” Reminding them that we’re standing by, not interfering, but ready, with the promise of a BandAid smile and some Betadine-scented words of comfort. A custom-moulded set of arms shaped just for them to fall into, without shame. Without shame, because where they fell, how hard they fell and why they fell just doesn’t matter, not at the moment of impact anyway. The line “If you should ever fall…” is an unambiguous proclamation of “No judgement, I’m just… here.” A no fault/no blame insurance policy, with no penalty for repeat claims.
“If you should ever fall…”
And I wonder if perhaps this promise is the ultimate expression of love. Certainly it’s patently clear (being the social mammals we are) that the uplift-ed and the uplift-ers are essential to our unity and ultimately, our survival. To have a safe set of arms and to be someone’s safe landing place -this is what we all need, but these days, few of us have.
“But I give money and/or time to charities and social organisations already!”
Great, we need more like you, but frankly, it’s pretty easy to help the hapless, feed the faceless and give the destitute a leg-up. The world is full of charity empires built upon the business model that we’ll all chip in at some stage for the perpetually put-upon - as long as we don’t have to meet them or deal with them. Our anonymity (and our direct-debit contributions) keeps us comfortably distant from the hard reality of their plight. It’s safe, it’s less confronting and it’s cleaner — in all senses of the word.
I’m not saying helping the helpless isn’t important, but I can’t shake the feeling that a better measure of how well connected we are to our core humanity is how we step up for those people we know. The ones we want more for — and expect more from.
“But if we keep picking them up, how will they learn to stand on their own?”
By helping them up, dusting them off and pointing them in the right direction. As often as it takes. As. Often. As. It. Fucking. Takes.
Catching someone when they fall or giving them a hand back onto their feet isn’t all needy-weedy and poor-diddums and it certainly doesn’t discount or discourage self sufficiency. In fact it encourages courage. Just knowing beyond a doubt that you have somewhere to fall can fuel adventurousness and a healthy attitude towards risk and failure. Conversely, the meek and the timid (and the alone and the cash-poor) have no back-up, nobody on belay. Life for them is all rope and no net.
So what to do? Well, no matter which side of the situation you find yourself on just now I’d suggest this: Grab your big gloves of non-judgment, put on your crash-helmet and throw yourself down the hillside of life. And when you take the wrong turn and t-bone a boulder (and you will, because we all do), take the damn hand when it’s offered — and throw out your hand when it’s needed (and as often as it’s needed) because this isn’t about being nice and it’s certainly not about being charitable, it’s just love, expressed simply and utterly unambiguously.
m@
Originally posted on Facebook, April 14, 2015
- * minifesto. Not a typo ;-)
I make up words, often by accident, like nefaux (for my faux nephews), expatois (the composite accent/vocab/observations of an expat) and freeniture (furniture you’ve spotted on the side of the road — free furniture) and then I keep them and throw them around the internet to see if they stick. One day I’ll make a proper list. One day. m@
