I’m over the people-pleasing yes-man thing that I’ve always, always done.

“You can’t please everyone. You’re not Nutella!”

It’s been made clear to me that I spend way too much time on people and situations who/which make me feel varying degrees of utter crap about who I am. And what I’m worth.

Do we ALL do this stupid stuff or am I the simply the dumbest, most naive, people-pleasing spanner in the toolbox?

What’s the payoff?
I’ve no idea. I’m certainly not getting rich from it nor adding anything tangible and warm to my life.

What’s the end-game? Why do we do this?
To somehow convince people who don’t really think much of us, that they’re just… wrong?

To convince ourselves that we have some kind of extraordinary value? Value which others/friends/employers/whoever, WILL SURELY, ONE DAY, SEE… if only we keep, keep, keep playing the game, going the extra mile, putting in the extra hours, dropping everything, denying ourselves, swallowing our dignity, pride and tongues because… we’re Cinder-fucking-ella and one day, one day, we’re going home in a pumpkin? 😕

That’s not likely. But we still think… “Maybe.”
I call this: ‘Living your life as a $1 scratch ticket’.

The solution? Ditch ‘em! Get out. Now. Ah, but…

The dilemma, of course, is this: If we remove ourselves from these scenarios, then where are we? For many, it’s alone in an echo chamber where all the disappointing things they think about us (and that we now think of ourselves) ricochet off the walls without respite, until we go deaf. Or worse — numb.

So we plod on. ‘Better the devil you know’ and all that. Or we do dramatic shit like… join the French Foreign Legion or move to Darwin to reinvent ourselves. Or we blow it all up, call everyone a bunch of cunts and then sink into oblivion.

I know I’m loved, but I truly, madly, deeply hate my life.

It’s a life of my own creation of course. Mea culpa. But because I’ve only ever been able to see myself reflected in the eyes, actions, endorsement and affections of others, I’ve become this ‘yes man’ people-pleasing patsy who I really can’t stand.

So… I need to risk the echo chamber. I need to be courageous enough (and cold enough) to ditch people and scenarios who/which aren’t filling my cup (Christ I use a lot of bloody analogies) just as others have done with me — and fair play to them too. Their pragmatism hurts, but you’ve gotta admire it.

The new year is going to be very different. Because it has to be.