Canadian Professor of Psychology, Dr Bruce Alexander is one of the most important researchers we’ve never heard of. His research (look up the Rat Park studies) has shown us that addiction isn’t about chemical hooks, it’s about bonds, or more precisely, a lack of real and SOLID social bonds.
Want to know why that intelligent, talented person with ‘such promise’ you know is an addict? It’s probably — partially at least — your fault. It’s definitely our fault as a society.
As Johann Hari says at the end of his Ted Talk “The opposite of addiction isn’t sobriety, it’s connection”. (PS: Read his book ‘Chasing the Scream’ now.)
Connection. Is. Everything.
To social animals like us Connection. Is. Everything. It’s not just addicts who are victims of a lack of real bonds, they’re simply the unluckiest of us. It’s also the awkward people around us. It’s the ones who talk too much — or not enough. It’s the ones who seem angry at the world or at themselves. It’s the confusing ones who can rule the room in some situations, while in other situations seem smaller somehow and only manage to embarrass themselves. It’s the loopy racists and bigoted Pentecostal/Evangelical arseholes who fear everything and everyone. It’s the woman shouting at your kid playing in the street because she doesn’t have any.
It’s not their sole responsibility to shape up, it’s OUR collective responsibility. So stop being selfish fuckers. Open up already you repressed, middle-class, never-known-a-truly-bad-day, privileged shits and do something more than just tish tish! at their plight.
Your needy mother who drinks too much and whose calls you ignore?
Your fucking fault — because you *can* help turn that right around.
Your lonely, slightly racist cousin who always calls at 1am and needs to vent about their neighbour but you don’t have the time?
Your fucking fault.
The girl who won’t leave you even though you snub them, demean them and offer zero support or encouragement?
It’s not their weakness, it’s yours.
The awkward colleague who on their own is a superstar but says all the wrong things in meetings? Your. Fucking. Fault.
Give these people real, solid, reliable connections and watch them thrive (and possibly, walk away from you).
Oh okay, so you think you’re not responsible for how other people feel or act? Fuck off. That is, unless you’re an octopus, honey badger or oarfish. In fact, even then, I maintain my ‘fuck off’ stance because solitary animals are all arseholes. We are our brothers’ and sisters’ keepers. This is what it means to be human. It’s only dumb luck, the grace of God/Vishnu/Elvis or their own astounding fortitude that keeps most of these people from becoming addicts of some sort.
Bonds people. Bonds. Ignore them at your — and our collective — peril.
m@
PS: Apologies for the naughty words, but this is far more fucking important than a few people’s daft, anachronistic sensitivities. Get over it.
PPS: Shit, bum, tit, cock, wank. (Thrown in for good measure).
Originally posted on Facebook, April 17, 2016
Title image: ‘Sadster’ © www.matthk.net
