Holding the questions.

For the past five years, my roots have been deeply planted in central Pennsylvania. Perogies, Wawa vs. Sheetz debates, the beauty and brawn of a Big Ten University, and some of the most wonderful people I’ve ever met.

Chicago called me home though, in more ways than one. I need to fulfill my role as "cool uncle" for my six-month-old nephew, reconnect with old friends, make some new ones, and, most notably, begin an incredible year as a fellow with Experience Institute.

As of September 16, my Ei classmates and I are about a month in, knee-deep in the ebb and flow of creating a year of self-directed education. From LinkedIn-stalking seminars to improv comedy workshops, hysterically-hostile interactions with the CTA to delightful chats with Ei staff members, and rooftop pizza parties to late night heart-to-heart conversations — it’s crystal clear that I’m absolutely surrounded by the people and programming that I’m supposed to be.

Getting here has been far from easy. I’ve had to put on my metaphorical spandex singlet and wrestle with doubt, imposter syndrome, mind games coinciding with a year of uncertainty, and the reality of my decision to not pursue medical school. A few weeks ago, Victor (Ei’s founder) said something that helped weaken the tension.

“This year is less about answering the questions than it is about learning to hold them.”

And so with these questions I'm learning to sit instead of wrestle, chat instead of argue, hold instead of crush.

What do I want out of this year?

What do I value in an apprenticeship — roles and responsibilities, skills and tangible outcomes, the industry or professional field?

How do I use my passions and abilities to build community in my class?

Despite the uncertainty, I’m learning to take steps forward (just send that email), trust the process (resist the thoughts keeping me up at night), and hold these questions day after day.