Failure To Lunch

Save hundreds on lunches at work with this one weird chicken sandwich trick.

I crapped my pants in front of my CEO.

Let me back up.

I started working in advertising in Atlanta for a mid-size agency. I had gotten used to eating the most lightweight items at the Whole Foods buffet during school, so having the money to buy lunch everyday was a revelation. The office was right across from a food court and a block away from a pod of food trucks. I went from having to carve a new hole in my belt to keep my pants up to throwing away my now too-tight jeans in about five months. The #1 perpetrator of my descent into slothfullness and adult acne breakouts? Chick-Fil-a.

The meal? The Classic Chicken Sandwich. The doneness? Still clucking. The foodborne pathogen threat level? Orange. After about 45 minutes of braving through the quagmire roiling in my lower intestine, I tossed my laptop into my bag and jumped in the elevator to the executive parking lot below the building to grab my bike. The elevator dropped a floor, and so did my stomach. The doors opened and the CEO hopped on. Friendly guy. Chatty.

“Short day for you too?”

*stare absently

“You ride your bike into work?”

*nod gravely

“Too bad it doesn’t have AC, it’s pretty hot out.”

And that’s when it happened. He knew. He had to know. He never said a word about it though, which I’ll always appreciate. After riding home, throwing my jeans away and puking my guts out for three hours straight, I went for a ride in the ambulance and spent the night in the hospital with a brusque Russian nurse who heroically kept me from dying of dehydration while making fun of my weak constitution.

And that’s why you always bring your lunch.

1 Cup Dry Quinoa

2 Cups Water

1 Package Italian Chicken Sausage (nothing pre-cooked)

1 Can Black Beans

1 Green & 1 Red Bell Pepper

1 Onion

Olive Oil

Combine the quinoa and water in a saucepot, bring to boil, and then simmer for 15 minutes until the water has been completely soaked up.

Slice the sausage lengthwise and remove the sausage from the casing. Toss the casings and throw the sausage into a hot pan. With a wooden spoon break up the sausage as it cooks until it begins to look like ground beef. Once it’s about 90% done remove from the heat.

Slice and dice the peppers and onion into about ¼ inch chunks and add them to a well-oiled stockpot on medium heat. Cook and stir until the onion is translucent. Add the chicken sausage and continue stirring until the sausage is cooked through.

Drain the beans and rinse well. Add them to the pot and stir them into the mix. Continue to cook on medium for 3 minutes. Turn off the heat and add the quinoa, giving it one final stir so everything is mixed together. Once it’s cool put it into 5–6 pieces of Tupperware. You have meals for the whole week, and you can put all that money you saved into paying off that hospital bill.