Graduation 2.0
I suppose it’s the nature of a writer to write about what is happening in their own life when they can’t think of anything else to write about. So with that being said, sit back and experience a life event with me. Over the weekend I finalized and submitted my graduation paperwork. While this is exciting, it’s exceptionally exciting for me because this is my re-do degree. You see, I already have a bachelor’s degree in psych.
So why am I writing this post from a design internship instead of graduate school? Well, there is a lot of weight to the feeling I had in 2015 as I accepted my diploma, knowing full-well they were handing me a degree I didn’t want. I went to school with the intention of studying design, I promise I did, but along the way I was filled with self-doubt. “I’m not a good designer. It’s a really competitive field. You aren’t at the same level as your peers. You won’t be able to make anything great. There’s no money in it unless you make it big.” The thing about design is, it’s a lot of putting yourself out into the world; and that terrified me. Eventually I gave in to my worries and switched majors.
Enter Psychology, good ol’ stable, safe, professional psychology. With my first degree I went the whole nine yards, I graduated with honors, published a peer-reviewed thesis, conducted research, received scholarships, wrote more papers than I cared to write and to be honest, I didn’t mind it. However, the self-doubt I had alleviated by switched degrees was quickly replaced with worry that I had to do something for the rest of my life that I wasn’t passionate about.
After an incredibly reflective summer, and after realizing I had possibly shot myself in the foot; I applied for yet another bachelor’s program, this time in design. The following fall I was back in the classroom and it was horrifying. I wasn’t sure what scared me more, the idea that my first degree was possibly a waste of time and money or that I would need to become a fully realized designer sometime within the next three years. Regardless, my second degree was a blur and while my doubts were still there in the beginning, with time they faded. I was there to learn, to soak it all in and in doing so I wasn’t afforded a lot of the naïveté that comes with a new college experience. I had missed my opportunity the first time and I wasn’t going to waste my second chance. I told myself that I needed to come out the other end a better designer than if I had stuck with it the first time around. Maybe to prove something to myself or maybe to prove that my first degree wasn’t a waste. Either way, it focused me and set my sights on success.
The last three years were a lot of late nights, AIGA meetings, hard critiques, awesome critiques, and way too many trips to Alphagraphics, but I got through it. The physical act of applying for graduation itself turned out to be the perfect metaphor for my second stint in academia. Needless to say, there were roadblocks.
After three failed attempts to find the registrars office to turn in my graduation application, I finally had to ask someone because I honestly had no idea where it was. Upon finding it and just as I was approaching the counter my Tile decided to inform me that I had forgotten my wallet at home; fantastic. After returning and waiting in line again, I was told that I was at the orientation window, not the graduation window and was quickly pointed in the right direction. I would also like to point out that these two windows are less than 10 feet apart; a distance that is hardly symbolic of the three years, countless hours, and thousands of dollars I had spent to get from one to the other, but I’m just being dramatic now. After presenting my application I was told that I had missed the deadline and that there was a fee now to apply; great.
Having made sure everything was in order and that my fee was paid I was then pointed towards the grad fair where I would be able to spend more money on even more necessities; awesome. I stared at the offered packages for far too long. Should I get the full package? After all I already have a cap and gown from my first degree that I can re-use. This gown was embroidered though. Does that make it symbolically better? More ceremonious? Maybe I should get it to differentiate my accomplishments. No, that’s a waste of money and a stupid idea. Alright, maybe I’ll split the difference; no cap but I’ll get the gown.
In the end, it wasn’t the skills I learned that made my experience worthwhile, although they were an invaluable part of it. Like all good things, it was the people that ultimately made the largest difference in my life. The connections I made are lifelong friends, fervent mentors, knowledgable advisors, and incredible designers and I’m better off because of it. Being surrounded by such amazing people made me realize that a lot of the time it’s the diversity of mind that makes you a better designer and I’m a more realized ‘me’ because of it. Looking back, I would do it all over again. My first degree didn’t end up being a hinderance, rather, it propelled me to where I am now and I’m more well-rounded because of it.
As I walked back to my car I was overwhelmed with a sense of accomplishment. That feeling was quickly deflated by the ticket on my windshield. The more I thought about it though, the more I realized that, that ticket was more representative of my accomplishments in the last three years than the diploma I will be receiving at commencement ever will be. That ticket represents the good and the bad. It represents my self-doubt and accomplishments. It represents the struggle that comes sometimes with achieving something you’re passionate about. Hell, I’m half thinking about buying a diploma frame for it, although I missed the deadline to order it, so now it’s more expensive.
