The Tragedy of Mental Illness in Agency Life (and What We Can Do About It)
I was 17 years old when I had my first real insight into the devastating effect of mental illness and what we can do about it. It was delivered by a middle-aged, blue-eyed, brunette professor of economics, during my first year of college. And she presented it with such welcoming clarity and compassion that, to this day, when the memory swells up, I feel the relief that her words and action delivered. It also completely changed the course of my life.
I had been in college for six months and had worked very hard to score top grades. I’d done well in school, skipping a few grades—but college was definitely a challenge. I felt overwhelmed by the amount and complexity of my courses. Over the Christmas break I went to visit my mother in Senegal, where she lived and worked. My parents had divorced eight years earlier. She had remained in Senegal while my father, my sister and I moved back to Paris. My mother suffered from depression. I, however, didn’t know this clearly at the time. The words “manic depressive” had been tossed around in hushed tones by family members—but all I knew was that my mother had severe mood swings. She could be joyous and vivacious one morning, and then sad, desperate and suicidal in the evening.
She’d say things like “What’s the point? I might as well off myself. I’m just good for nothing”.
It broke my heart.
When I arrived that winter, my mother was not doing well. The suicidal speech had increased in frequency and tone. I spent the holiday in a daze. After a few weeks, I returned to school, un-prepared and depressed. I flunked my first test in economics, a topic I had greatly enjoyed. I felt guilty and ashamed. But mostly I was apathetic and numb. I had thoughts of giving up school. I felt lonely and unhappy. Inwardly, I alternated between feigned carelessness and despair.
And that is when my professor of economics called for me after one of her lectures. She sat me down in a small, empty classroom and looked me in the eyes.
“What happened?” She said cooly. “I know you. You are one of my smartest students. This is not you.”
At first I apologized for missing the mark. But she wasn’t having it. She probed further. So I finally opened up to her: My mother was not doing well. She was depressed and I was genuinely worried she might actually follow through on her suicidal words. My professor fell silent, righted herself and delivered the words that saved me:
“I understand. You are not alone. I am glad that you talked to me about it.”
She had a daughter who suffered from depression and had attempted suicide. She understood. She asked that I take care of myself. That I rest. That I take the time I needed. She was so adamant about this that I felt I had no choice but to follow her advice. So I went on vacation again. This time with my dad and sister—for three weeks. When I came back I felt motivated, ready to take on college, relieved. What would have happened if she hadn’t talked to me? I’ll never know.
This I know: I would have never shared if she hadn’t pushed me. I would have never dared to take time off. I might have continued in a downward spiral and quit school. She literally plucked me out of a group of hundreds students and shifted me out of my despair.
I share this story because I think it is representative of the toll mental health can take on a person, whether you are suffering from it or someone you love suffers from it. But it also shows what power we have as leaders and coworkers to help. We may not be professional therapists but we have the ability that my professor had: To see, to talk, to help.
The World Health Organization reports that depression is on the rise worldwide with 300 million people affected by depression. Moderate and severe intensity depression can cause the affected person to suffer greatly and function poorly at work, at school and in the family. In the US, 1 in 5 adults—43.8 M or 18.5% of us—experiences mental illness in a given year. It is reported that serious mental illness costs America $193.3 billion in lost earnings per year.
At its worst, depression can lead to suicide. Close to 800,000 people die due to suicide every year. Many more attempt suicide. Suicide is the second leading cause of death among 15–29 year olds globally.
Bottom line: The burden of depression and other mental health conditions is on the rise globally—and it comes at a cost. For many of us in the creative industry, we recognize the devastation of losing leaders and icons like Anthony Bourdain and Kate Spade, innovators who truly revolutionized their industry.
What these statistics don’t show is the impact of mental illness and suicide on family, friends, co-workers and businesses.
Is it reasonable to assume that statically there is a high chance that a significant portion of your own staff and colleagues are currently affected by mental illness? What is the cost to your people and to you business?
So what can we do about it?
I recently had the pleasure of attending the The Digital Society’s (SoDA) General Member Meeting and two of my esteemed colleagues spoke about mental illness.
Ann Ysten, CEO of Swedish digital agency Perfect Fools, spoke about her own mother who lost her life to suicide. Ann drew from her background as an executive coach to show the correlation between customer satisfaction and employee wellbeing: two perfect mirroring lines. Given that we are in the service business, it goes without saying that our only assets are our people.
Here are four ways we can help our teams (culled from my own experience and Ann’s keynote presentation)—
Listen
The very first step is to notice and pay attention to our teammates.
Most leadership classes will teach the difference between the five kinds of listening:
- Ignoring (not a form of listening!)
- Pretend Listening (Patronizing)
- Selective Listening
- Attentive Listening
- Empathetic Listening
All first four are listening within one’s own frame of reference. Only empathetic listening is within the other’s frame of reference.
For now we can (at the very least) settle for attentive listening, or whole body listening. In this form of listening we neutralize our inner chatter, ideas and preconceived notions. More importantly, we let go of wanting to have an answer. We simply listen, but also pay attention to the person’s body language, emotions, eye movement and choice of words. We also listen for what is not being said. This form of listening can be incredibly powerful. When it comes to specifically “listening” for sign of mental illness here are some things to look for—
- Alcohol/drug use
- Sleep deprivation
- Increased in sick days
- Memory loss/decreased ability to concentrate
- Emotional outburst
Ann also recommends polling employees, as it can also give you a truer picture on their actual wellbeing. Electronic surveys do have the benefit of anonymity and provide a level of honesty that you might not have in a direct one-on-one conversations. We can take our cue from Ultra Testing, a Quality Assurance group that employs people who are on the autism spectrum and poll their employees’ mood daily with a simple mood test (tiny.pulse.com). This helps improve working conditions in a targeted and effective way. In addition each employee creates a “me file” detailing how they experience the world and how to best communicate with them. I could see this approach being effective to create a safe space for employees to ask for help.
Share
While polling offers anonymity and scale, it does not offer the power of interpersonal connection. It is important for us as leaders to actually share our own journey with mental illness or simply our own struggles. Just like my professor of economics who shared her own experience with her daughter, you too can help someone by simply relating to them. We essentially model what we preach. If we want employees to feel comfortable sharing, we must have the courage to do our own sharing. You do not want to be sharing when it is actually time to listen. But a well-timed shared experience can help someone feel less lonely and even at times remove the shame and guilt they may be feeling by knowing that you too have experienced something similar. You can also, as I am doing today, write about it.
Normalize Therapy
In my opinion, the very best way to help is to normalize therapy and make it accessible. As you may have guessed from my story, this was certainly not the end of my own journey with mental illness. At the age of 38 I finally went to see a therapist and worked with her for many years. That experience transformed me more than I can share here, but also convinced me that the most powerful thing you can do is have the courage to ask for help and receive it. Years later, when a colleague collapsed in my office in despair, I knew that beyond listening the best thing I could do for them was to simply normalize the act of seeing a therapist. Perhaps it was all those years of not naming my own mother’s illness that made me acutely aware of the stigma and fears around asking for help. Beyond normalizing therapy, we must also acknowledge that therapy is not cheap (in the US). Make sure that your healthcare plan covers therapy for mental illness. Ann Ysten’s agency Perfect Fools (based in Sweden) has a therapist available on-call.
Create a People-First Culture
Happy humans are more productive, more effective and better for business. When I had my first position in leadership of a small agency we had no HR department, so I took it upon myself to meet with each employee on a regular basis. I was astounded by the thoughts that people expressed. They never really had had a chance to talk to someone about their hopes and dreams, their careers and their questions. I was also amazed by how much information they had gathered just from watching the daily comings and goings of the agency. While not at all accurate, they had created a story based on their observations. This is natural human behavior. When we are not included in a meeting we begin to think that we are alienated. When we see leadership gather a lot we think the agency is not doing well (or selling). And we worry.
What stories, behaviors, and attitudes are going to help people grow versus reinforce painful thoughts and anxieties? What role definition and policies will promote the wellbeing of your humans and business? In my opinion making your culture as friendly as possible, such as allowing our pet friends to come to the office and allowing for flex time can go a long way to promote wellbeing. Another key component is to facilitate lots of one-on-one conversations through regular check-ins with managers and coaching programs. All things we do here at Struck.
By asking these very questions and crafting a culture that promotes well being we might just create an environment that help name mental illness and move individuals towards a path of healing.
Mental illness has been a prevalent part of my life and I believe it has made me a better, more empathetic leader. The fact that 1 in 5 American suffers from depression is a huge cause for alarm. Regardless of your own history with mental illness, I hope that you too find a way to create a culture that considers the mental wellbeing of your team. We each have a responsibility to acknowledge the tragic cost of mental illness and do something about it. I believe that it starts with listening, sharing and helping.
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