I accidentally became a nomad.
A story of risk-taking, failure, depression, soul-searching, and hope.
“…to fall, patiently to trust our heaviness. Even a bird has to do that before he can fly.” - Rainer Maria Rilke
Six months ago I said goodbye to my home, relationship, startup, and friends to go after a life that I felt called to live. My goal: work with a startup social enterprise in sub-Saharan Africa. Well, I accomplished that goal. And 1 week after I started working there, I quit. Let the free fall begin…
My hope is that by sharing this story I can inspire others to embrace their heaviness and fall, so that they can learn to fly.
Before I go any further, here is my favorite definition of Nomad, courtesy of Google:
Nomad - A member of a people having no permanent abode, and who travel from place to place to find fresh pasture for their livestock.
After living in 3 different continents and visiting 20 different cities over the past six months, I think I fit the first part of the definition pretty well. For the first time in my life, I truly do not have a permanent abode. It is terrifying and exhilarating. The Earth, yes the whole Earth, is my home. And while I am not raising livestock (alright, I am currently taking care of 2 goats), my travels and experiences have given me and my soul fresh pastures to grow and feed on.
The first pasture I gave my soul was at my childhood home in the Pocono Mountains of Pennsylvania. I called that home base for two months as I traveled to different cities along the East coast. In the morning, I would wake up, go on a run, and experience some of the most exquisite nature I have ever seen. This time at home and traveling to somewhat familiar cities helped me to prepare for a nomadic life. I didn’t know it at the time, but I needed to soak in the love of my family, experience the trial and error of traveling to a big city by myself, and meditate in the beauty of nature.
Right as I was beginning to get comfortable at home, I received the call I had been waiting over 6 months to get. I received a job offer in Nairobi, Kenya! I would be working with a startup company leading product design, with a focus on bringing luxury goods to a level that average Kenyans could buy! The hard work and constant networking finally paid off. Within three weeks, I was on a plane heading to my new home.
Flying to Africa is always an interesting experience. Everyone on the plane has some sort of story, and is either filled with excitement, fear, or both. In my case, it was pure excitement. I was bouncing up and down out of my seat in anticipation of landing, heading to what I believed would be the start of a challenging but rewarding year.
Well, this job was the next pasture I gave my soul, and it soured rather quickly… The job itself was what I imagined. I thoroughly enjoyed working with my colleagues. I was being challenged to excel at work from day one. However, I quickly ran into moral and ethical dilemmas with the company. Profits were being put ahead of people, and the focus was changing from “build for the poor” to “build for those that can pay.” Most importantly, there was a toxic culture in place, starting from the CEO. He ran the company through fear, micromanaged employees (to the extent that he would spend 6 hours formatting, yes formatting, an excel sheet that no one outside of the office would see), and spent far too much time assigning blame to his employees.
About this time fear, anxiety, and depression kicked in. “Did I really leave my family, girlfriend, and startup for this?” I was utterly alone in a completely different culture, dreaming of the life I once had. The funny thing is that dream was reversed just a few months ago. I was determined to stick it out for them, proving to them it wasn’t all in vain.
But thats not what the soul needed. Instead, I quit the job and found my way back to Thought For Food, an organization that helps university students tackle the challenge of feeding 9+ billion people by the year 2050. I had every intention to stay and continue doing this work in Kenya, however I was feeling pulled towards Europe, and maybe some sense of familiarity. I knew that if I stayed in Kenya my depression and anxiety would overrun me.
So with that I flew to Portugal, and met a good friend in Lisbon. Over the next few months, she saw me cry harder than I have cried since I broke my collarbone in 8th grade, struggle to simply get out of bed in the morning, and deal with the constant fear of being judged for leaving Kenya too soon.
In Portugal, I found a place of healing. Friends, both new and old, helped build me back up and accept my failures and risks for what they are. I started seeing a therapist. My roommate, who I knew for all of three days at this point, invited me to her house for Christmas, showing me true Christmas spirit.
Even more importantly, the time in Portugal helped me to learn how to live on my own. For so long I was living with my family, best friends, or girlfriend that I forgot how to take care of myself. I found a new hobby in bouldering, started to take care of my body by eating healthy and running in the morning. I even started a new side project focused on bringing my love of nature to others (check it out at www.retreets.com).
Even after all this support and personal growth, I knew it was time to leave Portugal. And with that I followed my soul to Interlaken. Here was a place that I could explore nature daily and embrace a solitude that I only know with the mountains. Here is a pasture where I can continue to fall, so that my soul might fly.
This story is nowhere near complete. I have learned not to plan too far into the future, and instead follow the path that is in front of you. It has taken me through some valleys and turns I never could have imagined, but I am so happy for the experiences and learnings I have gained through these risks and failures. I do know one thing - now is the time for me to wander. It’s time to have no permanent home, and to continue searching for fresh pasture.
If you are a nomad or are thinking about beginning a nomadic journey, I hope this story helped. There are many how-too stories and even more nomad resource guides (shoutout to my friend Nicole Kelner and her Ultimate Guide to Being a Lady Nomad, which is also very relevant for men), but I have found very few “raw” stories of how people arrive to this point in their life.
If you want to talk more, please feel free to visit www.jarnall.com and send me a message.
“I want to thrive, not just survive.” - Jon Foreman
