Celeste
I breathed in. The fresh scent of honey entered through my nose, mixed in with touches of lavender. I imagined the smell to be a golden spiral with streaks of purple filling up my lungs. Every time I exhaled, strands of her hair would gently sway. But her peace was undisturbed, and her entire body rose elegantly up and down with each of her breaths.
Her long, black locks were on my shoulder. The soft weight of her body rested against mine. My arm was wrapped around her shoulders, and we shared the same quilted blanket. I was cold. Empty. But she shared her warmth with me. She was a candle to my darkness, a fierce light in the depths of my heart. My sorrows and stress had confined me, like chains that pulled at my mind and soul. But she released them. She had special powers that took them away. She made me forget about everything else, and only focus on her. She was something I could learn from. Someone who taught me how to improve myself.
An oscillating fan blew in the far corner of the room. Its cool breeze was soft against my skin. Not too cold, but just enough to keep us comfortable as we lay on the corduroy sofa. The fan was on a low setting, but somehow, gradually, it increased in intensity. It was strange, but soon enough it felt as if the fan had switched to the max setting. No, it had gone beyond the highest setting. It was as if shards of ice struck hard against my cheek. I was brought back to reality by the harsh, bitter winds of the ocean.
I pressed my bare feet against the jagged rocks until skin started to tear off, and crimson beads emerged from underneath. It was a subconscious effort to experience emotion again, as I had in the past. It didn’t matter whether it was painful or not. I just wanted to feel something. But as I pushed the balls of my feet deeper into the stones, I felt nothing. I sat silently on the shore, murky water lapping over my toes. But I couldn’t even feel this. I only knew it was there because I saw it. I felt as if I was devoid of life itself, a rotting carcass just waiting to decompose into earth.
A man and a woman walked along the boardwalk. Their fingers wrapped around each other as they stood, side-by-side, swaying their arms back and forth. Their cheeks were of a rosy tint, and their teeth showed as their smiles glowed. A wooden boat stood afloat on top of the water. The perfect date. I watched them sail away from the shore, paddling together as they splashed water on each other while laughing. I watched them carefully until they disappeared from my vision, travelling further than I could see beyond the horizon. I clenched cold sand in my fists until my knuckles turned raw white. But the sand sunk through the gaps in my fingers, making me more unstable than I already was.
Resting my head in my palm, I stared blankly at the sea, which was an unpleasant shade of dark caramel. I couldn’t see my reflection in the water, like in all those banal fairy tales and movies. This wasn’t a fairy tale. I wasn’t a protagonist, but rather a side character. One that would always lead to downfall. I needed to sail away, just like the boat. To somewhere where I could feel something. To a place where I could be embraced. Without consciously thinking, my body acted on its own. I rose from the rock-strewn shore and dipped my foot in the cloudy caramel. It wasn’t warm and sticky, like I expected caramel to be. It was frosty as ice. But I continued to place one foot in front of the other until it reached my waist. I looked back. Beyond the jagged shore were towering trunks with withered leaves. The sky was a nauseating hue of dark violet. I felt a strong urge to vomit, and I retched a lumpy orange-yellow liquid which mixed into the sea. Looking ahead once again, my vision was blurry, but I managed to fix my eyes on the horizon.
Step by step I walked, venturing deeper into the dark caramel. As it reached my face, I opened my mouth and gulped it down. In my mind it was sweet, buttery and had a creamy texture. I smiled. But deep down I knew it was filthy and rotten. I continued into the abyss until my head went under the sea, and I went further, even further, until the caramel filled my lungs with hope.
