Pervitin tablets (Wikimedia commons, edited by author)

The Crazy Crystal Meth Adventure of a Finnish Soldier

Aimo Koivunen skied 250 miles while tripping balls on amphetamines

Imagine being a Finnish soldier, moving through the harsh Lapland wilderness on a frosty winter’s day.

It’s about 10 in the morning, your unit has been on the move almost non-stop for more than two days, skiing in knee-deep snow, and everyone’s completely exhausted. The temperature is a crisp 15 degrees below zero — about 5° F — and it will only get colder when the sun goes down.

You and your mates set up camp in the forest to take a small break, thaw out your hands on a small fire, and maybe get some much-needed sleep. You melt some snow in a pot to brew some tea and, in the meantime, you decide to apply some grease on your skis.

But your Soviet counterparts don’t like your little tea party: before the water even starts to boil bullets begin to rain over you, and you need to quickly pick up your stuff. You put on your skis again and seek shelter in the woods.

You and the boys set up a few mines to try and slow the Russians, shooting at them at the same time. An intermittent firefight ensues, but there is a full platoon of well-rested, well-armed Russian soldiers in snowsuits, and they vastly outnumber your small group. Your only option is a…