degeneracy
gambling, drugs, mania, depression
play the cards like aces
make the deuce-seven look like pocket kings
poker, my mistress
all drugs wear off
the type of drugs i’m on have a nasty comedown
48-hour poker bingers are my time with god
i’d play poker the rest of life if i could afford it
if the addiction didn’t force me to stay until i eventually lose it all
when did i become so fucking sad?
bounding exuberance — abundance, stuffed fat.
i was a ‘yes’ man
‘devour the world whole’ — my couchsurfing tagline for seven years
but i got full.
frantic pulse, energy that kept on tumbling
but then i got empty.
mania
life is chasing highs
and nothing else
falling apart and holding on
fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck
why not grandiose?
why be afraid of the mania in an expanded chest?
a gorgeous flesh living the extremes — run for president or buy a molester van & gypsy cruise
rule the world or sell shitty paintings and clank poetry on dry old ribbon
stare back until they cry — stare them down
i ain’t doing nothing for twenty years, never ever ain’t gonna
no job, no man, no city landscape
there’s too much to eat
too much of me to go round
somnambulists
sleepwalkers living between yesterday and tomorrow
the loneliness of ‘I’
aimless drifters aimless drift
blue
dance with depression
twirl her round the floor
seduce the crowd with your cosmic sadness
awake resonant soul
my youth is yours
swaddled bosom, thrown to wolves — chuck a fuck
hallucinatory love
the mountain opens herself
a man and a light explode themselves
forty-two waterfalls — dense, dense, fog.
rain
nature green — hundred foot celery
brocolli, wilted yellow cauliflower towards the heavens
greenbeans standing on end
god’s salad bowl
i’m on direct dial with god — boddhisatva on the line, please hold
a frontline troubadour
gone out without flashlight
you intercept dispatch
existentially restless
can the human mind survive death?
maybe some cataclysms shatter everything — resetting fundamental law
always packing up, moving on
life’s a series of departure points — a game of keeping alive
can’t give up the ghosts — i choose
life is meaningless so i go for walks
the indifference of the universe — her brute blind force
i want to be wholly contemplated
isolated ego, think through this
always searching, proving
