ganja on caffeine withdrawal
withdrawal symptoms are a tool
now that i’m high, i can see this feeling more clearly now. caffeine withdrawal is slowing me down and my thoughts aren’t pleased about it.
there is a process by which my caffeine withdrawal feelings are converted into negative, judgmental thoughts. a lack of motivation, reduced drive, depression, pointlessness. there’s also agitation, an annoyance with things that are moving fast around me. a sort of jealousy related to the value i’ve placed on speed through my limiting (and limited) evaluation of slow pace.
ganja gives me a chance to rise up out of the obsessive cloud of my long-held framework for converting feeling into thought, reality. an exploration-first baseline instead of a criticism-first one.
it allows me to surrender to the challenge that is caffeine withdrawal. meet it and ask it questions. affirm by default that these feelings have value. assume that i will guide and be guided to exactly the experiences i am supposed to have. release my grip on previous plans & future versions of myself i had dreamed up—memories that have stagnated. reconcile the way i feel now with the feeling that created those memories, those plans in the first place.
what motivations created this desire to produce, race, create, plan? is there an answer deeper than “i have to” or “survival”?
yes, surrender. yes, synthesis. yes, presence.
my body is reacting to a lack of caffeine. that is all. how can i synthesize from this feeling and not be “subjected” to it, marred by it, suffering from it? it’s simply a new perspective, a new tool to explore perception.
and so it is with all suffering.
