By RelaxingMusic (Flickr: Meditate), via Wikimedia Commons

Your Custom Visualizations For Today

Are you sitting comfortably? Good. Begin in the usual way, with a few nice deep breaths. Then allow your breath to return to its natural rhythm. Be aware of your chest expanding as you inhale, and your body softening slightly as you exhale.

IF YOU ARE STRESSED

Imagine a pool of light flowing down into your body from a place just above your head. Watch as it fills your body from the toes up. Continue to observe this endless stream of warmth and brightness until it reaches the top of your head and overflows. Reflect on the feeling of clarity as the stream of liquid energy fills and refills your body, melting your stress away.

IF YOU ARE ANXIOUS

Imagine a single point of bright light in the center of your body. Observe as it slowly begins to grow, encompassing first your chest, then your entire torso, until finally it transcends the borders of your physical being and forms a glowing nimbus all around you. It pulses with energy. It may be sentient. It is probably not going to kill you.

IF YOU ARE LONELY

Imagine a smooth, seamless road that stretches out in a — Wait, you know what? We’re overthinking this. Just imagine a friend. It isn’t that hard. Little kids do it all the time.

IF YOU ARE UNDER SIX FEET TALL, OVER FIFTY YEARS OLD AND DETERMINED TO COMPETE IN THE NBA SLAM DUNK COMPETITION

Imagine an invisible but powerful cushion of energy about the size and shape of a foam bed pillow. It has volume and tensile strength. Imagine standing on it and reaching for the heavens. Feel it give slightly under your feet. Feel your arm muscles lengthening. See clearly in your mind the image of this discrete mass of energy raising you up off the floor by about a foot. Now realize that this is more or less the limit of your actual ability to jump. Picture what this looks like. Do you see where we’re going with this?

IF YOU ARE PETE BEST

Imagine a villa on the shores of Lake Como. Picture yourself walking around the property’s magnificent perimeter, silently observing the architectural detail and flawless landscaping. Let your eyes roam over the mottled surface of the ancient stonework. Allow the scent of jasmine and honeysuckle to fill each atom of your body. Wave to your neighbor, George Clooney. Now open the door and walk inside. What do you see? Every room is filled with money. Know that this is where you would be living today if Brian Epstein hadn’t been such a jerk.

IF YOU ARE AWAKE AT THREE AM LISTENING TO THE GIRL IN 5C SCREAM AT HER BOYFRIEND FOR WHAT IS IT, LIKE THE ELEVENTH NIGHT IN A ROW

Imagine a cloud. What does it look like? A friendly kitten, perhaps, or the smile of a loved one? Know that while it appears fluffy, this cloud is substantial. It has weight and mass. Now watch as the cloud lowers itself to street level, zooms up Eastern Parkway, turns left at Utica Avenue, takes the shortcut across the schoolyard at Middle School 394 and screams like avenging hellfire into Apt. 5C, reducing it to cinders and yet somehow leaving the rest of the building intact.

IF YOU ARE UNABLE TO STOP HATE-WATCHING “REAL HOUSEWIVES”

Imagine a world in which time spins out endlessly, lazily, without hindrance or limit, and the days of our lives are without number. Know that this is not that world. Jesus, what are you doing with your life?

IF YOU ARE TERRIFIED THAT YOU WILL BE WALKING DOWN THE STREET AND SUDDENLY BE DRIVEN DEEP INTO A PIANO-SHAPED HOLE IN THE SIDEWALK BY A FALLING PIANO

Imagine your childhood home. Know that you are perfectly safe in this place. Now imagine a piano-shaped hole in the sidewalk in front of your childhood home. Peer into it. Notice the way its interior dimension perfectly mimics the volume of a Yamaha concert grand. Allow your eyes to roam over its loamy interior. Do you see? The hole is perfectly harmless. The hole is a void. It may contain whatever you would like it to contain. Do not ask yourself what happened to the piano, or pay attention to the creak of the winch, or the descending whistling note of something heavy hurtling toward you from the skies.

Namaste. See you tomorrow (probably).