Becoming Great Through Struggles
If you can’t beat yourself, join yourself! My journey to excellence through my struggles.
Many of my friends can’t even see what I’m describing, yet this has been the biggest challenge in my life. It is part of my identity, it is part of me, and I’m okay with it. This story began in elementary school as I later discovered, but manifested during my middle school years.
Around seventh grade, I became aware that I had pressures in my body that I could only relieve with noise and movement. My odd behavior puzzled me and made me feel different. For example, when holding objects, I would toss them slightly into the air as if they were too hot to hold. Doing the dishes became a perilous activity. I would also extend my arm, crack my neck, and clear my ears until the pressures felt temporarily relieved. My doctor said I would grow out of these tics, but eventually they became so aggressive that they would cause me pain due to repetition. I still could not stop them. I was hurting both physically and mentally, yet most people did not notice the behavior. The tics became a source of friction in my family, especially with my dad. I had a snorting tic phase and would snort incessantly. My father would ask me to stop and to control myself, and I would try unsuccessfully. The pressure would build up until I reacted. I needed to do my tics. I told him I could not stop, but he failed to understand that no matter how hard I tried, I could not help but do them. I was angry, scared, and frustrated that I could not stop and that my actions were damaging my family’s relationships.
The summer before my freshman year, I was assigned to read Med Head by James Patterson and Hal Friedman. This book is a true story about a boy with Tourette’s syndrome and co-morbid disabilities. In the book, the boy describes the same kinds of pressures and feelings that I had. When I read it I was astonished. I was just like him; that was how I felt! I knew then that I likely had Tourette’s syndrome. When I was officially diagnosed freshman year, it was a relief and my life changed. I was not messed up, I had a disorder. I had an answer.
Tourette’s is often accompanied by ADHD, which explained some of my struggles in school. Thus began my ADHD testing, and with its identification, I realized the diagnosis of these disorders was a blessing and a curse. The root of the issue was psychological so I could not change it. I was not lazy or stupid as I once thought. There was a psychological reason behind it all, and now I could work towards solutions.
I learned how I operate and began to self-advocate, utilize my strengths, and accommodate for my weaknesses. This began my journey to excellence. I heard about Eye-to-Eye: a non-profit that pairs learning disabled and ADHD kids with similarly labeled high school or college mentors. Eye-to-Eye uses an art-based curriculum to create an easier way to teach the kids about their unique minds, build their self esteem, and give them skills to become self-advocates. I joined this program as a mentor sophomore year, and loved it so much that I continue to participate. Last summer, I became our school’s chapter coordinator and enrolled in the nationwide training at Brown University (where Eye-to-Eye began). I was trained in leadership, self-advocacy, and the mission. I learned an astounding amount about learning disabilities, as well as an incredible amount about myself. I returned feeling empowered and felt like I could make a change.
My daily struggles continue, but through strength and determination, I work with them. I now educate others who are struggling similarly in hopes that they too will find a path to confidence and self-understanding. My journey to excellence continues.
