A Trump Personal Meeting Is Worse Than Being Waterboarded.

Dick Costolo, Pope Francis, & James Comey Form “Met With Trump” Mutual Support Group

What Pope Francis Looks Like When Surrounded By People He Loathes.

Former Twitter CEO Dick Costolo likened Donald Trump’s meetings with Silicon Valley leaders to alcohol poisoning and extreme water torture. His exact wording (and I’m not making this up, nor embellishing), was

“If you don’t get invited to this meeting, and want to know what it was like, just drink a bottle of gin and then waterboard yourself”.

So, first, we must keep in mind this was a FRIENDLY meeting, where Trump attempted to be charming towards the Silicon Valley leaders. And yet it was still like being tortured in ways the Geneva Convention disapproves of.

James Comey has famously attempted to pretend he was a CURTAIN, in order not to meet with Trump. It didn’t work. (The FBI has since taken the chapter on “Curtain Blending as a Form of Emergency Camouflage”, out of the Official FBI Tactics Guide).

That’s right. A man who is as tall as all four members of KISS combined, if you stacked them up, because neither you nor KISS had anything better to do that day, attempted to blend into a curtain to avoid a personal meeting with Donald Trump.

I spoke with none other than Trump Meeting Survivor, Pope Francis, who had this to say:

“Meeting with Mr. Trump was the most disturbing thing that ever happened to me, and part of my job is washing people’s FEET, which is terrifying, but meeting Trump was much, much, much worse. Every statue and painting displayed here started crying as he passed them…His wife surreptitiously handed me an ancient ceremonial knife that was blessed by King Solomon, which she stole from a museum, and she whispered that I was ‘the only one who can end this’ as she passed it to me. Something about a prophecy… she was obviously terrified”…

“Here’s what I looked like before meeting Trump”:

“This Was Me Before I Met Trump….I Was Known As The Happiest Pope!” Says Formerly “Happy Pope”.

“Here’s what I looked like that day and ever since”.

“Here’s what I look like now.” Says Now Somber Pope.

The Pope went on to say:

“His son in law looked like the warning label on Botox and kept surreptitiously speaking to a Russian man who was hiding in a garbage can. His daughter has manufacturing plants in China with horrific conditions, where human rights investigators who look into it regularly disappear. He brought his staff, who I had to later chase out using bug spray. It was just the worst day. The only silver lining was I soon discovered Trump is allergic to holy water, so I chased him all around my office with some I had in a vial and would sprinkle it towards him as he said ‘Ow ow ow’ until the Secret Service hustled him out of here.

“I have since joined an ‘I Met With Trump’ support group, consisting of myself, James Comey, Dick Costolo, Elon Musk, and Sergei Kislyak, where we console each other and discuss how we’ll never feel ‘clean’ again.”

By Steven W. Rouach

swrouach@gmail.com